I've been waiting for the The Witches' Voice to announce this week's essay topic. I was told that it would address the issues of abusers in our midst.
The topic is broader than I thought it would be. After talking with them, I thought they would address the issue of sexual predators more directly (especially in Covens) and touch on the issues of recovery from sexual abuse among Pagans. However, that could release a cave of very destructive dragons, which could harm Vox. I can't blame them for showing caution. In fact, I have to admire them for showing such good judgment. They know the sorts of loonies who are out there and what sorts of wild claims they could make even better than I do, and they have to tread carefully.
Would I have done it differently. Yes. Would it have been more effective? I don't know. Maybe not.
It's a difficult call.
The Editors at Vox have side stepped a deep and persistent problem: What do we do about the people who lie and claim to be victims in order to get attention?
Questions That Come To Mind:
* Sending warnings about known abusers, and helping others to heal is now done very privately. It is a matter of trust between Pagan Organizors, individuals, groups and Covens, but it only works if
a) we know one another well and
b) we communicate well.
It doesn't work when the abuser leaves town for places unknow.
Should this way of doing things change? If so, how?
* How do we best help survivors of abuse, especially sexual and physical abuse, share their experience, strength and hope?
* How do we aid Pagan groups to guard against further abuse?
* How do we do this work while protecting both the privacy of victims and the rights of the accused?
* How are Pagan Covens, and clergy (both formal and informal) at risk for legal action by those abused when in their care?
The Witches' Voice has brought this topic for discussion in the most public and well respected forum that we have, which is very brave of them. As things currently stand, far too many Pagans are in denial about these issues.
Certain organizers have been trying to tell the truth about this for a long time, now. If that means airing our dirty laundry in public, so be it. If it means doing this one small step at a time, fine. As long as we move forward.
So, "Bravo "Vox!" for doing this. Whenever we've needed people to lead the way and be a voice for sanity, they have been there for us.
I also like their idea of adding information and resources culled from these essays into their White Pages. The important thing is that this information be easy for Pagans to find in the future. The Witches' Voice website is both vast and deep, and information can get hidden there (even with all their care in construction). I will keep a look out for these referrals and link to them from several of our pages and I'll advise others to do the same.
There may yet be another way and another (safer?) forum in which to deal with this issue. Something more private and thus, more protected and fair. I've got some ideas, but I'll need to think on it more.
I will also take time today and let some people know about this essay topic. At FCE we've been talking and thinking and writing about this issue for quite a while now. The question is: Will one of our staff write a piece about this for the Voice on this occasion, and if so, who?
Sia
----------
Call for Essays:
Abuse and Abusers
Abusers come in all sizes, shapes, colors, genders, and religions. Our communities are not immune from the predations of people who will harm others to fulfill their own needs and desires. Unfortunately, when a community discovers an abuser in its midst, the tendency can be to sweep the problem under the rug. The question we ask this season is: How should we handle cases of abuse -- physical, sexual, emotional, and spiritual -- within our community? PLEASE NOTE: Due to legal and ethical issues we cannot accept any essay that refers to specific incidents, even hypothetical ones. The essays should focus on the future -- ideas and resources for handling situations of abuse when they are discovered, and how to work to prevent those situations, not on past incidents.
We will be culling ideas and resources from these essays for a page that will be available in our "White Pages" section. When you submit your essay, please let us know if we may quote from it on this page. The deadline for this topic is April 30th., but we will post the essays as we receive them.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Sunday, March 20, 2005
The Cauldron of Changes
It's time to send out the essay canceling the annual Witches' Ball for once and for all. The staff and our core volunteers have known about this since January, but it's time to officially tell this to the general membership.
I wrote the essay today as my Equinox Ritual and I'll send it along to Snakemoon for publication in the April newsletter.
I'll take out the Endnotes prior to publication of the essay. These will morph and go into the book Herding Cats at a later time.
I'm still not happy with the opening. Once I found my (essay) writing voice, I discovered that brevity was suddenly a challenge. I think it was Pascal, (yes?), who apologised to his friend for writing too long a letter. He was busy, he said, and didn't have time to make it shorter. So true, so true.
Sia
Below are some Endnotes that are much too snarky for the Essay. The Essay celebrates the end of an era and is a love letter to our volunteers. It has to have a very high tone.
The book will bluntly tell the truth, using humor. So, wth a little re-writing and a lot more funny, these comments can go into the book.
Challenges and Problem Children:
Over the years I've heard certain types say they didn't like the $15 - $25 ticket price for a charity fundraiser - and this talk comes from people who will pay that for a CD or a movie without thinking!
I've been a Vendor for over 10 years now, and I've seen certain types of Pagans drop $60.00 for a crystal or $200 for a new cloak whenever they feel like it and then bitch about not having money in the next breath. Until a lot more of these types grow up, the Pagan community won't have the support we need to do effective charity work.
Expenses:
The Humane Society's 2005 Fur Ball costs $175.00 a ticket. That's what ticket prices for a charity event look like in the real world.
It costs a lot to do this sort of work. We spend a thousands dollars every year to rent a hall, pay the DJ, host the website, and buy the required insurance. Advertising and decorating come last on that list, as we work to keep costs down. It's amazing how often certain people criticize the cost of these events and how they are strangely silent when we ask them where they think all this money is supposed to come from.
Sharing power:
Sharing power is not the issue for responsible Pagan Organizers, but
finding good people, who can be relied upon, is. Four secrets to
staging successful events are:
a) Choosing good people work with,
b) Communicating clearly as to needs, job descriptions, and expectations.
c) Dealing with conflict in healthy, respectful ways
d) Setting boundaries and letting people go (kindly and firmly) when you have to.
Decorating Committees:
There is something about certain Committees that attracts particular types of people. I've seen this energy in action at conventions and fundraisers, in theatre work, at faires and festivals and at Pagan events. As Terry Pratchett says, "It bodes".
I'll tell you a secret: All (sane) Organizers have a prayer they use when working with volunteers. They use it daily when working with Decorating Committees. It goes like this:
The Volunteer Prayer
Goddess,
Deliver us from Divas
and airy, fairy
"Artistes"
with no common sense,
and from all those
who lack the ability
to follow through
on a project.
Send us instead
some fun loving
creative grownups;
those who understand
that Enthusiasm
and Good Intentions
do not take the place
of Competence
and Hard Work.
Let them care enough
to put the work first,
and their ego’s last.
May they know how to laugh,
And exhibit grace
under pressure
and, please Goddess,
help them
to show up
on time!
Blessed Be.
We said that prayer a lot.
Did “Problem Children” still walk in the door?
Sure they did.
Every....bloody....year.
And they soon found out from the staff that we don’t play that game. (1)
My friend Kaye calls this “The Law of Self Selection". Since our people are good humored, professional and organized, the Divas (2) had to take their drama and trauma elsewhere. We blessed them, released them, and got on with the job at hand.
“They Say? What Say They? Let Them Say”
If you are going to do this work you should know that certain people will criticize your efforts from the sidelines, without ever knowing what it takes to produce your event, and without offering to work on it or help fund it, themselves.
At FCE we choose to abide by the adage that “Criticism is easier than Craftsmanship." We listen to people who show commen sense, are willing to work hard and can play well with others. We prefer to work with people are who are talented and responsible. This saves both tempers and time.
Birds of a Feather:
If you ever choose to work with us you should know this:
We love: People who are honest and thoughtful and those who do their emotional homework. We adore people who can laugh and work hard at the same time. We support those who have good boundries and those who are kind to other people, kids and animals.
We will not support: Lying, whining, blaming, unkindness, Witch Wars, gossip, would-be Gurus, rudeness, flakyness, credulity, cruelty and shortsightedness or any attempt to use this sacred Path as an excuse for poor behavior.
Support:
Some people in the Earthwise community do not choose to support Pagan organizations and/or Pagan charity events. Others do not support the work of groups not directly their own. That’s their choice.
Making it sleezy:
We might get more attendees if we're willing to take some of the advice we received over the years and radically change the event. All we have to do is serve lots of alcohol, refuse to let families bring their kids, make it sleazy instead of sexy and fantastic, ban our non-Pagan supporters as “too mundane”, & offer tickets for $5 to $10 and give nothing to charity. This would let certain people dress up and show off but there would be no community outreach and no education. We would not raise money for anything but ourselves. Thanks, but no thanks.
I wrote the essay today as my Equinox Ritual and I'll send it along to Snakemoon for publication in the April newsletter.
I'll take out the Endnotes prior to publication of the essay. These will morph and go into the book Herding Cats at a later time.
I'm still not happy with the opening. Once I found my (essay) writing voice, I discovered that brevity was suddenly a challenge. I think it was Pascal, (yes?), who apologised to his friend for writing too long a letter. He was busy, he said, and didn't have time to make it shorter. So true, so true.
Sia
Below are some Endnotes that are much too snarky for the Essay. The Essay celebrates the end of an era and is a love letter to our volunteers. It has to have a very high tone.
The book will bluntly tell the truth, using humor. So, wth a little re-writing and a lot more funny, these comments can go into the book.
Challenges and Problem Children:
Over the years I've heard certain types say they didn't like the $15 - $25 ticket price for a charity fundraiser - and this talk comes from people who will pay that for a CD or a movie without thinking!
I've been a Vendor for over 10 years now, and I've seen certain types of Pagans drop $60.00 for a crystal or $200 for a new cloak whenever they feel like it and then bitch about not having money in the next breath. Until a lot more of these types grow up, the Pagan community won't have the support we need to do effective charity work.
Expenses:
The Humane Society's 2005 Fur Ball costs $175.00 a ticket. That's what ticket prices for a charity event look like in the real world.
It costs a lot to do this sort of work. We spend a thousands dollars every year to rent a hall, pay the DJ, host the website, and buy the required insurance. Advertising and decorating come last on that list, as we work to keep costs down. It's amazing how often certain people criticize the cost of these events and how they are strangely silent when we ask them where they think all this money is supposed to come from.
Sharing power:
Sharing power is not the issue for responsible Pagan Organizers, but
finding good people, who can be relied upon, is. Four secrets to
staging successful events are:
a) Choosing good people work with,
b) Communicating clearly as to needs, job descriptions, and expectations.
c) Dealing with conflict in healthy, respectful ways
d) Setting boundaries and letting people go (kindly and firmly) when you have to.
Decorating Committees:
There is something about certain Committees that attracts particular types of people. I've seen this energy in action at conventions and fundraisers, in theatre work, at faires and festivals and at Pagan events. As Terry Pratchett says, "It bodes".
I'll tell you a secret: All (sane) Organizers have a prayer they use when working with volunteers. They use it daily when working with Decorating Committees. It goes like this:
The Volunteer Prayer
Goddess,
Deliver us from Divas
and airy, fairy
"Artistes"
with no common sense,
and from all those
who lack the ability
to follow through
on a project.
Send us instead
some fun loving
creative grownups;
those who understand
that Enthusiasm
and Good Intentions
do not take the place
of Competence
and Hard Work.
Let them care enough
to put the work first,
and their ego’s last.
May they know how to laugh,
And exhibit grace
under pressure
and, please Goddess,
help them
to show up
on time!
Blessed Be.
We said that prayer a lot.
Did “Problem Children” still walk in the door?
Sure they did.
Every....bloody....year.
And they soon found out from the staff that we don’t play that game. (1)
My friend Kaye calls this “The Law of Self Selection". Since our people are good humored, professional and organized, the Divas (2) had to take their drama and trauma elsewhere. We blessed them, released them, and got on with the job at hand.
“They Say? What Say They? Let Them Say”
If you are going to do this work you should know that certain people will criticize your efforts from the sidelines, without ever knowing what it takes to produce your event, and without offering to work on it or help fund it, themselves.
At FCE we choose to abide by the adage that “Criticism is easier than Craftsmanship." We listen to people who show commen sense, are willing to work hard and can play well with others. We prefer to work with people are who are talented and responsible. This saves both tempers and time.
Birds of a Feather:
If you ever choose to work with us you should know this:
We love: People who are honest and thoughtful and those who do their emotional homework. We adore people who can laugh and work hard at the same time. We support those who have good boundries and those who are kind to other people, kids and animals.
We will not support: Lying, whining, blaming, unkindness, Witch Wars, gossip, would-be Gurus, rudeness, flakyness, credulity, cruelty and shortsightedness or any attempt to use this sacred Path as an excuse for poor behavior.
Support:
Some people in the Earthwise community do not choose to support Pagan organizations and/or Pagan charity events. Others do not support the work of groups not directly their own. That’s their choice.
Making it sleezy:
We might get more attendees if we're willing to take some of the advice we received over the years and radically change the event. All we have to do is serve lots of alcohol, refuse to let families bring their kids, make it sleazy instead of sexy and fantastic, ban our non-Pagan supporters as “too mundane”, & offer tickets for $5 to $10 and give nothing to charity. This would let certain people dress up and show off but there would be no community outreach and no education. We would not raise money for anything but ourselves. Thanks, but no thanks.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
The Promise of Our Profession
Some minor surgery keeps me home for the next week. I've spent that time working on the FCE Community calendar and catching up on my emails & reading.
I found this speech by Bill Moyers today. It is described as "Part biography, part reprimand, part love letter to the promise of his profession" (1)
Below are some quotes from that speech. It was written from his journalist point of view, of course, but I also read these words with an eye towards what this journey means for me as a Priestess and what these words mean for us here, as Pagans, working in the Craft, with a calling towards community.
Here Moyers talks about what it means "To tell the truth to power." For us, that includes telling the truth to our students, and to each other, and to Pagans as a group. It also means telling the truth about us, both good and bad, to the dominant culture. Read this, and instead of "journalist" read the word "Pagan" or "Priest/ess" and you'll soon see what I mean.
------------------------
* “Decide that you want to be a scholar, a lawyer, or a doctor…and your path to the grave is pretty well laid out before you. Decide that you want to enter our rather less reputable line of work and you set off on a route that can sometimes seem to be nothing but diversions, switchbacks and a life of surprises…with the constant temptation to keep reinventing yourself.”
* Journalism has been a continuing course in adult education—my own....I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but I’ve enjoyed the company of colleagues as good as they come, who kept inspiring me to try harder.
* Unless you’re willing to fight and refight the same battles until you go blue in the face, drive the people you work with nuts going over every last detail to make certain you’ve got it right, and then take hit after unfair hit accusing you of “bias,” or, these days, even a point of view, there’s no use even trying. You have to love it, and I do.
* His momma came out and, learning what the fuss was about, said to Boots and John Henry: “Don’t you know chicken snakes are harmless? They can’t hurt you.” And Boots, rubbing his forehead and behind at the same time, said, “Yes, Mrs. Faulk, I know that, but they can scare you so bad, it’ll cause you to hurt yourself.” John Henry Faulk told me that’s a lesson he never forgot. It’s a good one for any journalist to tuck away and call on when journalism is under fire.
* Our job remains essentially the same: to gather, weigh, organize, analyze and present information people need to know in order to make sense of the world....“no qualification tests, no boards to censure misconduct, no universally accepted set of standards.” Maybe so. But I think that what makes journalism a profession is the deep ethical imperative of which the public is aware only when we violate it....
* We practice this craft inside “concentric rings of duty and obligations: Obligations to sources, our colleagues, our bosses, our readers, our profession, and our community”—and we function under a system of values “in which we try to understand and reconcile strong competing claims.” Our obligation is to sift patiently and fairly through untidy realities, measure the claims of affected people, and present honestly the best available approximation of the truth—and this, says Ed Wasserman, is an ethical practice.
* One of the biggest changes in my lifetime is that the delusional is no longer marginal. How do we fathom and explain the mindset of violent exhibitionists and extremists who blow to smithereens hundreds of children and teachers of Middle School Number One in Beslan, Russia? Or the radical utopianism of martyrs who crash hijacked planes into the World Trade Center? How do we explain the possibility that a close election in November could turn on several million good and decent citizens who believe in the Rapture Index?
* Ideologues—religious, political, or editorial ideologues—embrace a world view that cannot be changed because they admit no evidence to the contrary. And Don Quixote on Rocinante tilting at windmills had an easier time of it than a journalist on a laptop tilting with facts at the world’s fundamentalist belief systems.
* When they plunged those hijacked planes ...they were out to hijack our Gross National Psychology. If they could fill our psyche with fear— as if the imagination of each one of us were Afghanistan and they were the Taliban — they could deprive us of the trust and confidence required for a free society to work. They could prevent us from ever again believing in a safe, decent or just world and from working to bring it about. By pillaging and plundering our peace of mind they could panic us into abandoning those unique freedoms—freedom of speech, freedom of the press—that constitute the ability of democracy to self-correct and turn the ship of state before it hits the iceberg.
* Will we be cowed by it? Will we investigate and expose its excesses? Will we ask hard questions of the people who run it? The answers are not clear....our government—with staggering banality, soaring hubris, and stunning bravado—employs to elicit public acquiescence while offering no criterion of success or failure, no knowledge of the cost, and no measure of democratic accountability.
* “Real news is the news you and I need to keep our freedoms.” Richard Reeves.
* The greatest moments in the history of the press came not when journalists made common cause with the state, but when they stood fearlessly independent of it.
* The bottom line “usually abhors whatever is more demanding and complex, slower, more prone to ideas, more challenging to complacency.”
* (studies) showed that from 1977 to 1997, the number of stories about government dropped from one in three to one in five, while the number of stories about celebrities rose from one in every 50 stories to one in every 14. What difference does it make? Well, it's government that can pick our pockets, slap us into jail, run a highway through our backyard or send us to war. Knowing what government does is “the news we need to keep our freedoms.”
* there is some world-class journalism being done all over the country today, but he went on to speak of “a palpable sense of decline, of rot, of a loss of spine, determination, gutlessness” that pervades our craft.
* A study by Mark Cooper of the Consumer Federation of America reports that two-thirds of today’s newspaper markets are monopolies. I urge you to read a new book—Leaving Readers Behind: The Age of Corporate Newspapering
* A profound transformation is happening here. The framers of our nation never envisioned these huge media giants; never imagined what could happen if big government, big publishing and big broadcasters ever saw eye to eye in putting the public’s need for news second to their own interests—and to the ideology of free-market economics.....Nor could they have foreseen the rise of a quasi-official partisan press serving as a mighty megaphone for the regime in power.
* I’ve just finished reading Dan Gillmor’s new book, We the Media, and recommend it heartily to you. Gilmore is a national columnist for the San Jose Mercury News and writes a daily weblog. He argues persuasively that Big Media is losing its monopoly on the news, thanks to the Internet – that “citizen journalists” of all stripes, in their independent, unfiltered reports, are transforming the news from a lecture to a conversation. He’s on to something.
* (Thomas) Paine was possessed of an unwavering determination to reach ordinary people—to “make those that can scarcely read understand” and “to put into language as plain as the alphabet” the idea that they mattered and could stand up for their rights.
* the proper question is not whether you call yourself a journalist but whether your own work constitutes journalism..... “A journalist tries to get the facts right,” tries to get “as close as possible to the verifiable truth” — not to help one side win or lose but “to inspire public discussion.” Neutrality... is not a core principle of journalism, “but the commitment to facts, to public consideration, and to independence from faction, is.”
* “I believe democracy requires ‘a sacred contract’ between journalists and those who put their trust in us to tell them what we can about how the world really works.”
-----------------
Sia
(1) Given at the Society of Professional Journalists conference on Sept. 11, 2004, just before he retired.
I found this speech by Bill Moyers today. It is described as "Part biography, part reprimand, part love letter to the promise of his profession" (1)
Below are some quotes from that speech. It was written from his journalist point of view, of course, but I also read these words with an eye towards what this journey means for me as a Priestess and what these words mean for us here, as Pagans, working in the Craft, with a calling towards community.
Here Moyers talks about what it means "To tell the truth to power." For us, that includes telling the truth to our students, and to each other, and to Pagans as a group. It also means telling the truth about us, both good and bad, to the dominant culture. Read this, and instead of "journalist" read the word "Pagan" or "Priest/ess" and you'll soon see what I mean.
------------------------
* “Decide that you want to be a scholar, a lawyer, or a doctor…and your path to the grave is pretty well laid out before you. Decide that you want to enter our rather less reputable line of work and you set off on a route that can sometimes seem to be nothing but diversions, switchbacks and a life of surprises…with the constant temptation to keep reinventing yourself.”
* Journalism has been a continuing course in adult education—my own....I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but I’ve enjoyed the company of colleagues as good as they come, who kept inspiring me to try harder.
* Unless you’re willing to fight and refight the same battles until you go blue in the face, drive the people you work with nuts going over every last detail to make certain you’ve got it right, and then take hit after unfair hit accusing you of “bias,” or, these days, even a point of view, there’s no use even trying. You have to love it, and I do.
* His momma came out and, learning what the fuss was about, said to Boots and John Henry: “Don’t you know chicken snakes are harmless? They can’t hurt you.” And Boots, rubbing his forehead and behind at the same time, said, “Yes, Mrs. Faulk, I know that, but they can scare you so bad, it’ll cause you to hurt yourself.” John Henry Faulk told me that’s a lesson he never forgot. It’s a good one for any journalist to tuck away and call on when journalism is under fire.
* Our job remains essentially the same: to gather, weigh, organize, analyze and present information people need to know in order to make sense of the world....“no qualification tests, no boards to censure misconduct, no universally accepted set of standards.” Maybe so. But I think that what makes journalism a profession is the deep ethical imperative of which the public is aware only when we violate it....
* We practice this craft inside “concentric rings of duty and obligations: Obligations to sources, our colleagues, our bosses, our readers, our profession, and our community”—and we function under a system of values “in which we try to understand and reconcile strong competing claims.” Our obligation is to sift patiently and fairly through untidy realities, measure the claims of affected people, and present honestly the best available approximation of the truth—and this, says Ed Wasserman, is an ethical practice.
* One of the biggest changes in my lifetime is that the delusional is no longer marginal. How do we fathom and explain the mindset of violent exhibitionists and extremists who blow to smithereens hundreds of children and teachers of Middle School Number One in Beslan, Russia? Or the radical utopianism of martyrs who crash hijacked planes into the World Trade Center? How do we explain the possibility that a close election in November could turn on several million good and decent citizens who believe in the Rapture Index?
* Ideologues—religious, political, or editorial ideologues—embrace a world view that cannot be changed because they admit no evidence to the contrary. And Don Quixote on Rocinante tilting at windmills had an easier time of it than a journalist on a laptop tilting with facts at the world’s fundamentalist belief systems.
* When they plunged those hijacked planes ...they were out to hijack our Gross National Psychology. If they could fill our psyche with fear— as if the imagination of each one of us were Afghanistan and they were the Taliban — they could deprive us of the trust and confidence required for a free society to work. They could prevent us from ever again believing in a safe, decent or just world and from working to bring it about. By pillaging and plundering our peace of mind they could panic us into abandoning those unique freedoms—freedom of speech, freedom of the press—that constitute the ability of democracy to self-correct and turn the ship of state before it hits the iceberg.
* Will we be cowed by it? Will we investigate and expose its excesses? Will we ask hard questions of the people who run it? The answers are not clear....our government—with staggering banality, soaring hubris, and stunning bravado—employs to elicit public acquiescence while offering no criterion of success or failure, no knowledge of the cost, and no measure of democratic accountability.
* “Real news is the news you and I need to keep our freedoms.” Richard Reeves.
* The greatest moments in the history of the press came not when journalists made common cause with the state, but when they stood fearlessly independent of it.
* The bottom line “usually abhors whatever is more demanding and complex, slower, more prone to ideas, more challenging to complacency.”
* (studies) showed that from 1977 to 1997, the number of stories about government dropped from one in three to one in five, while the number of stories about celebrities rose from one in every 50 stories to one in every 14. What difference does it make? Well, it's government that can pick our pockets, slap us into jail, run a highway through our backyard or send us to war. Knowing what government does is “the news we need to keep our freedoms.”
* there is some world-class journalism being done all over the country today, but he went on to speak of “a palpable sense of decline, of rot, of a loss of spine, determination, gutlessness” that pervades our craft.
* A study by Mark Cooper of the Consumer Federation of America reports that two-thirds of today’s newspaper markets are monopolies. I urge you to read a new book—Leaving Readers Behind: The Age of Corporate Newspapering
* A profound transformation is happening here. The framers of our nation never envisioned these huge media giants; never imagined what could happen if big government, big publishing and big broadcasters ever saw eye to eye in putting the public’s need for news second to their own interests—and to the ideology of free-market economics.....Nor could they have foreseen the rise of a quasi-official partisan press serving as a mighty megaphone for the regime in power.
* I’ve just finished reading Dan Gillmor’s new book, We the Media, and recommend it heartily to you. Gilmore is a national columnist for the San Jose Mercury News and writes a daily weblog. He argues persuasively that Big Media is losing its monopoly on the news, thanks to the Internet – that “citizen journalists” of all stripes, in their independent, unfiltered reports, are transforming the news from a lecture to a conversation. He’s on to something.
* (Thomas) Paine was possessed of an unwavering determination to reach ordinary people—to “make those that can scarcely read understand” and “to put into language as plain as the alphabet” the idea that they mattered and could stand up for their rights.
* the proper question is not whether you call yourself a journalist but whether your own work constitutes journalism..... “A journalist tries to get the facts right,” tries to get “as close as possible to the verifiable truth” — not to help one side win or lose but “to inspire public discussion.” Neutrality... is not a core principle of journalism, “but the commitment to facts, to public consideration, and to independence from faction, is.”
* “I believe democracy requires ‘a sacred contract’ between journalists and those who put their trust in us to tell them what we can about how the world really works.”
-----------------
Sia
(1) Given at the Society of Professional Journalists conference on Sept. 11, 2004, just before he retired.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Sexual Offender Posing as Pagan Clergy
We got another warning in today. I decided to write to Kerr, the author of the Witch Hunts series , the Law Enforcement Guide to Wicca and Full Contact Magick. He is also a founder and member of the Officers of Avalon. Kerr is a Detective in Canada and has worked on sexual predator cases before.
----------------
Dear Kerr,
Hello, this is Sia with Full Circle in California. I would like to ask a question re the email warning below.
Is this the proper way to do this? She seems to have sent out only the facts she knows, and given websites from the proper authorities. The warning seems sincere, and not part of a "Witch War". I ask this because Pagans need direction and a common sense guild to follow in such cases.
Recently, I've been in touch with other Pagans on this subject via my blog. The issues of legality, privacy rights, protection for the victim, etc have up come with a certain urgency among organizers, coven leaders and Pagan support groups of late.
We want victims and their families to be able to tell the truth about rapists and child abusers in our midst, and still protect their privacy. We want Pagan organizers and leaders to be able to warn others about sexual predators, within the context of the law, in ways that protect the circle from being sued for libel. We want those who are accused to have the status of "innocent until proven guilty". At the same time, we want to put reasonable protections in place within Pagan groups, especially those with children.
We know that sexual predators often abuse others over many years, and if they have harmed a child in one coven or circle, they probably did so in another state or neighborhood before that. We know that they tend to move to a new area when their cover is blown, so warning other Pagans about known predators is key.
I am going to talk to Pagan-friendly attorneys on this matter soon, and I would greatly appreciate any advice you as a Pagan Police Detective could give us.
Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.
Sincerely yours,
Sia
Council Leader, Full Circle Events
http://www.fullcircleevents.org
Honor the Past, Celebrate the Present, Create the Future
cc: Spiral Steps: http://www.spiralsteps.org
Prof. Pike., M.Adler
----- Original Message -----
From: ColdHeartFemale@aol.com
To: CovenOfMysticShadows@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2005 9:12 PM
Subject: [SoCalPaganevents] PLEASE READ ~ Sexual Offender Posing as Pagan Clergy
-----------------------------------------------------------
Announcement from Managers of SOLITARY MAGIC
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sexual Offender Posing as Pagan ClergyProclaimed by: Moon Panther - A WitchVox Sponsor
Proclaimed from: two Rivers, Wisconsin
Proclaimation...This gentleman who goes by the yahoo screen name of
sentinal216 and joined our group last August 2004-this person is a convicted sexual offender who is being monitored by the state of Tennessee.
If you are a minor and have been contacted by him, please report this.
He has two groups: mysticalmeham on the MSN groups and a website on
http://www.angelfire.com/vt2/shrineofthewhiterose/ (SIA'S NOTE: THIS WEBSITE IS NOW DEFUNCT)
These are the ones I know of....he may be using a different screen name and may have more groups out there. He has been banned from Solitary Magic and the information I am aware of is posted below for all other managers of groups- Parents and young witches- BEWARE!!!! More groups he is or may be a part of...just came in: This person has been banned from Solitary Magic as of last week- once we were aware of this individual- Steps are being taken by hotmail- and an alert by them for his ISP computer address- Known name within Solitary Magic- joined 8-24-04- never posted to the group- shows a picture of himself, by himself- lists age as 32
MysticalMayhein32
KNOWN email at hotmail- MysticalMayheim32@ hotmail.com Another name is Rev SnowWolf.....
If you have been contacted by this person- please inform management ASAP-
Thank you for taking this announcement to Heart!
Warm blessings and lets keep keeping our group safe
Lady Silver MoonWolfe
-----------------------------------------------------------
----------------
Dear Kerr,
Hello, this is Sia with Full Circle in California. I would like to ask a question re the email warning below.
Is this the proper way to do this? She seems to have sent out only the facts she knows, and given websites from the proper authorities. The warning seems sincere, and not part of a "Witch War". I ask this because Pagans need direction and a common sense guild to follow in such cases.
Recently, I've been in touch with other Pagans on this subject via my blog. The issues of legality, privacy rights, protection for the victim, etc have up come with a certain urgency among organizers, coven leaders and Pagan support groups of late.
We want victims and their families to be able to tell the truth about rapists and child abusers in our midst, and still protect their privacy. We want Pagan organizers and leaders to be able to warn others about sexual predators, within the context of the law, in ways that protect the circle from being sued for libel. We want those who are accused to have the status of "innocent until proven guilty". At the same time, we want to put reasonable protections in place within Pagan groups, especially those with children.
We know that sexual predators often abuse others over many years, and if they have harmed a child in one coven or circle, they probably did so in another state or neighborhood before that. We know that they tend to move to a new area when their cover is blown, so warning other Pagans about known predators is key.
I am going to talk to Pagan-friendly attorneys on this matter soon, and I would greatly appreciate any advice you as a Pagan Police Detective could give us.
Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.
Sincerely yours,
Sia
Council Leader, Full Circle Events
http://www.fullcircleevents.org
Honor the Past, Celebrate the Present, Create the Future
cc: Spiral Steps: http://www.spiralsteps.org
Prof. Pike., M.Adler
----- Original Message -----
From: ColdHeartFemale@aol.com
To: CovenOfMysticShadows@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2005 9:12 PM
Subject: [SoCalPaganevents] PLEASE READ ~ Sexual Offender Posing as Pagan Clergy
-----------------------------------------------------------
Announcement from Managers of SOLITARY MAGIC
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sexual Offender Posing as Pagan ClergyProclaimed by: Moon Panther - A WitchVox Sponsor
Proclaimed from: two Rivers, Wisconsin
Proclaimation...This gentleman who goes by the yahoo screen name of
sentinal216 and joined our group last August 2004-this person is a convicted sexual offender who is being monitored by the state of Tennessee.
If you are a minor and have been contacted by him, please report this.
He has two groups: mysticalmeham on the MSN groups and a website on
http://www.angelfire.com/vt2/shrineofthewhiterose/ (SIA'S NOTE: THIS WEBSITE IS NOW DEFUNCT)
These are the ones I know of....he may be using a different screen name and may have more groups out there. He has been banned from Solitary Magic and the information I am aware of is posted below for all other managers of groups- Parents and young witches- BEWARE!!!! More groups he is or may be a part of...just came in: This person has been banned from Solitary Magic as of last week- once we were aware of this individual- Steps are being taken by hotmail- and an alert by them for his ISP computer address- Known name within Solitary Magic- joined 8-24-04- never posted to the group- shows a picture of himself, by himself- lists age as 32
MysticalMayhein32
KNOWN email at hotmail- MysticalMayheim32@ hotmail.com Another name is Rev SnowWolf.....
If you have been contacted by this person- please inform management ASAP-
Thank you for taking this announcement to Heart!
Warm blessings and lets keep keeping our group safe
Lady Silver MoonWolfe
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, March 13, 2005
51
Today is Areon's birthday. She would have been 51.
When I look at her life, I wonder what she could have done if she had found that miracle drug. She told me when she went to the clinic that she wanted to recover from her cancer, and then move to a new state in order to be closer to her friend and Priestess; the women who helped her get sober. The friend is an former nurse and an expert dog tracker and breeder. Aaeon wanted to study dog training and work in search and rescue on her team. I can just see her doing that; being out in the woods with the dogs, helping the police solve crimes, and saving lives. It would have suited her down to the ground.
The business she started and ran so well is closed now. The beautiful big house she decorated with so much pride and the garden she tended now belong to someone else. The charities she worked with have had to manage without her, which they have done. Her husband has moved on to new things, as he should. I wish him all the best. She loved him and he loved her - they were good together.
But...she wanted to make a change, sell all the "stuff" and live more simply. Most importantly, she wanted to move her awesome personal power in a new direction. Many women feel this way at midlife. In Aeron's case, her illness had caused her to ask the questions we all ask. Questions like "Is this all?" and "What's next?", but it caused her to ask these questions years earlier and more intensly than most.
When she found her answer, it was simple. She wanted to be happier. Areon had worked so hard for others for so long, that I think she felt it was time to claim more time and attention for her own needs. I think her husband would have welcomed it, and that they could would have sold their house and business and gone on this new adventure, together. I think it would have been a great thing for them both.
I'm sorry she didn't get a chance to do all that.
I feel her presence from time to time and I believe that she is very happy now. What I sense in her now is a feeling of deep play and fullfillment. Selfishly, I wish that she could have found those riches in this lifetime, here with us. So it goes.
Now I sit here, also at midlife, and wonder what I would want to change. No matter how much time I have, I want it to count and I want to be happy. So, I'm making changes here at FCE; changes that suit me and that suit the times we now find ourselves in. I haven't told anyone yet what these changes will be. I can't find the words. They'll come, eventually, but it's a struggle.
In the meantime, I think about Areon and what made her happy. In her honor, I'm going to do what makes me happy, too.
Sia
When I look at her life, I wonder what she could have done if she had found that miracle drug. She told me when she went to the clinic that she wanted to recover from her cancer, and then move to a new state in order to be closer to her friend and Priestess; the women who helped her get sober. The friend is an former nurse and an expert dog tracker and breeder. Aaeon wanted to study dog training and work in search and rescue on her team. I can just see her doing that; being out in the woods with the dogs, helping the police solve crimes, and saving lives. It would have suited her down to the ground.
The business she started and ran so well is closed now. The beautiful big house she decorated with so much pride and the garden she tended now belong to someone else. The charities she worked with have had to manage without her, which they have done. Her husband has moved on to new things, as he should. I wish him all the best. She loved him and he loved her - they were good together.
But...she wanted to make a change, sell all the "stuff" and live more simply. Most importantly, she wanted to move her awesome personal power in a new direction. Many women feel this way at midlife. In Aeron's case, her illness had caused her to ask the questions we all ask. Questions like "Is this all?" and "What's next?", but it caused her to ask these questions years earlier and more intensly than most.
When she found her answer, it was simple. She wanted to be happier. Areon had worked so hard for others for so long, that I think she felt it was time to claim more time and attention for her own needs. I think her husband would have welcomed it, and that they could would have sold their house and business and gone on this new adventure, together. I think it would have been a great thing for them both.
I'm sorry she didn't get a chance to do all that.
I feel her presence from time to time and I believe that she is very happy now. What I sense in her now is a feeling of deep play and fullfillment. Selfishly, I wish that she could have found those riches in this lifetime, here with us. So it goes.
Now I sit here, also at midlife, and wonder what I would want to change. No matter how much time I have, I want it to count and I want to be happy. So, I'm making changes here at FCE; changes that suit me and that suit the times we now find ourselves in. I haven't told anyone yet what these changes will be. I can't find the words. They'll come, eventually, but it's a struggle.
In the meantime, I think about Areon and what made her happy. In her honor, I'm going to do what makes me happy, too.
Sia
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Pagans on Public Television
Last Wednesday Ten Full Circle volunteers went out into the night to help raise money for Public Television. (1)
The folks at the PBS station invited us as a Pagan group to come to their San Jose studio and help take pledges on the air. When we got there they trained us (it takes 5 minutes) fed us pizza, coffee and juice and then set us loose on an unsuspecting public.
We have a core group of volunteers here at FCE, and many of us already knew each other from working other events, PantheaCon, etc. I made sure that everyone who came knew at least one other person there so they would have someone to talk to. I wanted them all to have a really good time so I picked a group that would have things in commen, plus I choose people with a good sense of humor who I knew would get along - that's our usual MO for volunteers, anyway, but these people have that in spades. This night, our volunteers also got to meet other "ordinary" Pagans they didn't already know, and they liked that. Good. It's sometimes hard for us to find one another.
We all made it a point to be friendly to the other eight volunteers, none of whom were Pagan, so it was an easy, good time for all.
I met someone new that night, as well. My friend Farrell (a dog walking buddy) brought her long time friend MaryJane along. Farrell knows my friend Clare Sage from San Jose Metaphysical who sold the store to Michael who helped us put on MUSE Camp and the first Witches' Ball who teaches classes in the Craft, which Farrell took a few years ago, before we met at the dog park...and this is how we play the Pagan Version of Six Degrees of Separation. (2)
MaryJane has studied the Native American path for over 30 years now, along with her husband who was born into that culture. She told me that she attends California PowWows every weekend during the season, and I've asked her to start listing any PowWows that are open to all on our FCE Calendar. She has agreed to do so. In fact, she has already listed one for next weekend. Our readers will like that.
The PBS gig was more fun than I had expected. When we weren't working the phones, we were kidding each other and chatting. I sat at the table with the gals I met at PantheaCon who were working the Ink Witch booth, with Sabrina, the artist. (In fact, they gave me sanctuary in their booth from a guy who wouldn't leave me alone. He found out that I handled the Pagan Voting Project and then went on a wild political rant at my table. He was going to keep others from coming to the table, so I glided gently away, leaving the table in the capable hands of my long time partner, Token. Token is a Christian Humanist and uses this as her Craft name when she hangs out with us Pagans. It's surprising just how many people don't get that joke.
Once clear of the booth, I spent my free time shopping in the Ink Witch booth until he went away. Bless them for hiding me. Of course, I bought some lovely prints, as well. Sabrina does fine work and I have one of her Raven pieces. It now hangs in the Full Circle office and people often stop to admire it.
I met two gals named Tina and Andrea in Sabrina's booth that day. They are lovely couple, and very out and open about being Pagan. They both do animal rescue, as I do, so we had a lot to talk about. They (and Sabrina) donated 3 prints for the Pagan garage sale in May, which was very kind of them. I went to Andrea's and Tina's house a few weeks ago to pick these out, and met their kids and their many pets. It's a beautiful home, full of love, and I enjoyed being there.
When this opportunity at KTEH came up I thought it might be nice for these two to meet some other (responsible, sane) Pagans and I invited them to join us. I'm glad I did, as everyone liked them.
I had asked our Full Circle crew to dress carefully as we were about to have the aforementioned 15 seconds on TV. (No political t-shirts or rude sayings, please!) They all looked great. The styles ranged from Hawaiian shirts and fantasy t-shirts to classy street clothes and subtle "I'm Pagan if you know what you're looking for, and I'm an artist if you don't" sorts of clothes.
I wore deep brown blouse and a black vest, intending to blend in. I wanted to sit in the back so that the others could go on camera and the studio folks complied with my request. Unfortunately, that also meant that I ended up on front of a bright violet background, which made me stand out a bit. So much for avoiding the spotlight.
I also wore a WitsEnd button that said: "Sing the Hedgehog Song!" The studio crew liked it. Well, it's no surprise that PBS employees read the DiscWorld books.
It was really nice to have that kind of time with Pagan friends. So often we Pagan Doers find ourselves in in ritual, running around at a Convention or working hard on some charity event. This time, the work was a skate and we got lots of time to visit. Often as not, they had us in the Break Room between sets, and when we weren't working the phones we got to listen to Celtic music, so everyone went away happy and very glad they'd come.
As for the PBS station staff, they loved us. Our people are professional and good on the phone and the ones I invited take (and give) direction very well. Most of us have done some sort of customer service or work with people, and it showed. The studio Director made a point of thanking us and it was obvious that the crew liked us, as well. Score one for the nice Pagans.
We've been invited back. I'll ask the gang if they want to do it again in April or September.
In the meantime, I've sent this note to our volunteers:
Thank you all for coming last night. You did a great job on the phones.
Everyone was great company, too. You folks are hardworking, friendly to
all, and professional and we appreciate it very much. You made us proud.
As a 10 person team, Full Circle help KTEH raise $6,266 dollars during Glenn Miller, and $18,675 during Celtic Woman, which makes the total $24,941 raised for public television.
Excellent work!
Best Regards,
Sia
Full Circle Events
(1) From a short list I keep of people who are a) reliable, b) fun and c) live nearby.
(2) The notion of six degrees of separation grew out of work conducted by the social psychologist Stanley Milgram in the 1960s. Milgram decided to investigate the so-called "small-world problem," the theory that everyone on the planet is connected by just a handful of intermediaries. In Milgram's experiments, a few hundred people grom Boston and Omaha attempted to get a letter to a target. In this case, a complete stranger in Boston. But they could only send the letter to a personal friend whom they thought was somehow closer to the target than they were.
When Milgram looked at the letters that reached the target, he found that they had changed hands only about six times. This finding has since been enshrined in the notion that everyone can be connected by a chain of roughly six people.
The folks at the PBS station invited us as a Pagan group to come to their San Jose studio and help take pledges on the air. When we got there they trained us (it takes 5 minutes) fed us pizza, coffee and juice and then set us loose on an unsuspecting public.
We have a core group of volunteers here at FCE, and many of us already knew each other from working other events, PantheaCon, etc. I made sure that everyone who came knew at least one other person there so they would have someone to talk to. I wanted them all to have a really good time so I picked a group that would have things in commen, plus I choose people with a good sense of humor who I knew would get along - that's our usual MO for volunteers, anyway, but these people have that in spades. This night, our volunteers also got to meet other "ordinary" Pagans they didn't already know, and they liked that. Good. It's sometimes hard for us to find one another.
We all made it a point to be friendly to the other eight volunteers, none of whom were Pagan, so it was an easy, good time for all.
I met someone new that night, as well. My friend Farrell (a dog walking buddy) brought her long time friend MaryJane along. Farrell knows my friend Clare Sage from San Jose Metaphysical who sold the store to Michael who helped us put on MUSE Camp and the first Witches' Ball who teaches classes in the Craft, which Farrell took a few years ago, before we met at the dog park...and this is how we play the Pagan Version of Six Degrees of Separation. (2)
MaryJane has studied the Native American path for over 30 years now, along with her husband who was born into that culture. She told me that she attends California PowWows every weekend during the season, and I've asked her to start listing any PowWows that are open to all on our FCE Calendar. She has agreed to do so. In fact, she has already listed one for next weekend. Our readers will like that.
The PBS gig was more fun than I had expected. When we weren't working the phones, we were kidding each other and chatting. I sat at the table with the gals I met at PantheaCon who were working the Ink Witch booth, with Sabrina, the artist. (In fact, they gave me sanctuary in their booth from a guy who wouldn't leave me alone. He found out that I handled the Pagan Voting Project and then went on a wild political rant at my table. He was going to keep others from coming to the table, so I glided gently away, leaving the table in the capable hands of my long time partner, Token. Token is a Christian Humanist and uses this as her Craft name when she hangs out with us Pagans. It's surprising just how many people don't get that joke.
Once clear of the booth, I spent my free time shopping in the Ink Witch booth until he went away. Bless them for hiding me. Of course, I bought some lovely prints, as well. Sabrina does fine work and I have one of her Raven pieces. It now hangs in the Full Circle office and people often stop to admire it.
I met two gals named Tina and Andrea in Sabrina's booth that day. They are lovely couple, and very out and open about being Pagan. They both do animal rescue, as I do, so we had a lot to talk about. They (and Sabrina) donated 3 prints for the Pagan garage sale in May, which was very kind of them. I went to Andrea's and Tina's house a few weeks ago to pick these out, and met their kids and their many pets. It's a beautiful home, full of love, and I enjoyed being there.
When this opportunity at KTEH came up I thought it might be nice for these two to meet some other (responsible, sane) Pagans and I invited them to join us. I'm glad I did, as everyone liked them.
I had asked our Full Circle crew to dress carefully as we were about to have the aforementioned 15 seconds on TV. (No political t-shirts or rude sayings, please!) They all looked great. The styles ranged from Hawaiian shirts and fantasy t-shirts to classy street clothes and subtle "I'm Pagan if you know what you're looking for, and I'm an artist if you don't" sorts of clothes.
I wore deep brown blouse and a black vest, intending to blend in. I wanted to sit in the back so that the others could go on camera and the studio folks complied with my request. Unfortunately, that also meant that I ended up on front of a bright violet background, which made me stand out a bit. So much for avoiding the spotlight.
I also wore a WitsEnd button that said: "Sing the Hedgehog Song!" The studio crew liked it. Well, it's no surprise that PBS employees read the DiscWorld books.
It was really nice to have that kind of time with Pagan friends. So often we Pagan Doers find ourselves in in ritual, running around at a Convention or working hard on some charity event. This time, the work was a skate and we got lots of time to visit. Often as not, they had us in the Break Room between sets, and when we weren't working the phones we got to listen to Celtic music, so everyone went away happy and very glad they'd come.
As for the PBS station staff, they loved us. Our people are professional and good on the phone and the ones I invited take (and give) direction very well. Most of us have done some sort of customer service or work with people, and it showed. The studio Director made a point of thanking us and it was obvious that the crew liked us, as well. Score one for the nice Pagans.
We've been invited back. I'll ask the gang if they want to do it again in April or September.
In the meantime, I've sent this note to our volunteers:
Thank you all for coming last night. You did a great job on the phones.
Everyone was great company, too. You folks are hardworking, friendly to
all, and professional and we appreciate it very much. You made us proud.
As a 10 person team, Full Circle help KTEH raise $6,266 dollars during Glenn Miller, and $18,675 during Celtic Woman, which makes the total $24,941 raised for public television.
Excellent work!
Best Regards,
Sia
Full Circle Events
(1) From a short list I keep of people who are a) reliable, b) fun and c) live nearby.
(2) The notion of six degrees of separation grew out of work conducted by the social psychologist Stanley Milgram in the 1960s. Milgram decided to investigate the so-called "small-world problem," the theory that everyone on the planet is connected by just a handful of intermediaries. In Milgram's experiments, a few hundred people grom Boston and Omaha attempted to get a letter to a target. In this case, a complete stranger in Boston. But they could only send the letter to a personal friend whom they thought was somehow closer to the target than they were.
When Milgram looked at the letters that reached the target, he found that they had changed hands only about six times. This finding has since been enshrined in the notion that everyone can be connected by a chain of roughly six people.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Pagans & Childhood Sexual Abuse
Libyan proverb: "Silence is the door of consent"
I got another powerful letter today on my question about Pagans and sexual abuse. I sent it along to a colleague who is doing work on this subject.
The lady who wrote this courageous letter allows me to quote her (see entire letter below).
Armenian proverb: "He who tells the truth must have one foot in the stirrup."
There are many in the Pagan community who don't want to hear about this; who don't want to know how some Covens have let their people down or left our children unprotected. The Hel with that. Full Circle, Spiral Steps and other groups are going to make sure that they do hear about it, and that healing and protection are offered.
In her letter she wrote: "There are several persons in my family who have been sexually abused." We are going to hear this a lot more in future, as more brave Pagans come out of that terrifying closet.
Many people are drawn to Paganism because they have been abused in "the real world", often within dysfunctional families, often sexually. They are looking for real home, someplace safe to heal, a way to tell their truth and a spiritual path that will help them to live a happier, more balanced life. They trust us to help them find that. If we fail them, what does that make us?.
Sia
--------------
Text of Full Letter:
Dear Sia,
Children Come First! Their rights come first before the practices of people who commit such a horrible crime of violating the innocent, this is one reason we have the laws we do in America, to protect our children. It is the parent's responsibility to protect their children the best they can. It is all and good to have the freedom to practice ones path, but the catch is it must not harm or take away the rights of anyone else and remain within the boundaries of the law,e specially a child's rights must be protected and our first priority!
Many are of the opinion that we must forgive and not judge sex abusers/offenders. This is a cop out and irresponsible. To not allow such persons free access to our children's bodies has nothing to do with judging anyone. It is protecting the young ones, loving the children as they deserve to be loved and cared for. Our children trust us adults to use wisdom with whom we allow in their lives.
There are several persons in my family who have been sexually abused. I am so grateful that there are laws that must be enforced to protect the children. Under the laws of our land, such offenders are required to be on a community list so no adults are unaware of whom these criminals are. I will never trust my relatives who did these crimes, nor shall I ever allow them to be alone with my children or grandchildren. Am I judging? NO way, I am being protective and responsible.
Our children are the most precious gift that we have been entrusted with to care and provide for. Should we be careless and expose the children to who knows how many diseases? Allowing the children to be traumatized, resulting in mental and emotional disturbances now and later on in life? How would you feel if you were the child and had no option to say no? Most children do not know they CAN say no to adults. We must start saying no on the behalf of our young ones.
M -
I got another powerful letter today on my question about Pagans and sexual abuse. I sent it along to a colleague who is doing work on this subject.
The lady who wrote this courageous letter allows me to quote her (see entire letter below).
Armenian proverb: "He who tells the truth must have one foot in the stirrup."
There are many in the Pagan community who don't want to hear about this; who don't want to know how some Covens have let their people down or left our children unprotected. The Hel with that. Full Circle, Spiral Steps and other groups are going to make sure that they do hear about it, and that healing and protection are offered.
In her letter she wrote: "There are several persons in my family who have been sexually abused." We are going to hear this a lot more in future, as more brave Pagans come out of that terrifying closet.
Many people are drawn to Paganism because they have been abused in "the real world", often within dysfunctional families, often sexually. They are looking for real home, someplace safe to heal, a way to tell their truth and a spiritual path that will help them to live a happier, more balanced life. They trust us to help them find that. If we fail them, what does that make us?.
Sia
--------------
Text of Full Letter:
Dear Sia,
Children Come First! Their rights come first before the practices of people who commit such a horrible crime of violating the innocent, this is one reason we have the laws we do in America, to protect our children. It is the parent's responsibility to protect their children the best they can. It is all and good to have the freedom to practice ones path, but the catch is it must not harm or take away the rights of anyone else and remain within the boundaries of the law,e specially a child's rights must be protected and our first priority!
Many are of the opinion that we must forgive and not judge sex abusers/offenders. This is a cop out and irresponsible. To not allow such persons free access to our children's bodies has nothing to do with judging anyone. It is protecting the young ones, loving the children as they deserve to be loved and cared for. Our children trust us adults to use wisdom with whom we allow in their lives.
There are several persons in my family who have been sexually abused. I am so grateful that there are laws that must be enforced to protect the children. Under the laws of our land, such offenders are required to be on a community list so no adults are unaware of whom these criminals are. I will never trust my relatives who did these crimes, nor shall I ever allow them to be alone with my children or grandchildren. Am I judging? NO way, I am being protective and responsible.
Our children are the most precious gift that we have been entrusted with to care and provide for. Should we be careless and expose the children to who knows how many diseases? Allowing the children to be traumatized, resulting in mental and emotional disturbances now and later on in life? How would you feel if you were the child and had no option to say no? Most children do not know they CAN say no to adults. We must start saying no on the behalf of our young ones.
M -
Monday, March 07, 2005
Sexual Abuse Update - A Powerful Letter
A very powerful letter about sexual abuse in Covens just came in from a friend. (see below).
She has allowed me to share it, and I will do so. I have removed her name and email to protect her privacy.
This speaks directly to the issue that the Coven in question has at hand, and my friend gives permission to quote this note, so I've sent this along to the Coven and the families involved. I believe it's something they should hear.
Another author is writing an an article for The Witches' Voice on this subject where it will have a very wide readership. I've sent the author these notes (all names & emails removed). They will no doubt appreciate the help and advice that people have given this last week.
I sent out a note to the friend's list and it included this remark:
"Thank you, all. This is good work you are doing. We'll do whatever it take to make sure that this issue is addressed."
Sia
-------------------
Thank you for being so clear about this issue. I was a child, served up on the alter of other peoples "compassion" for an abuser. Sexual abuse is NOT a crime of passion. It IS a crime of CONTROL and ALWAYS ESCALATES!
Because I was not more forceful, as a child, in prosecuting my abuser 3 other children followed me and each case was worse than the previous. I understand I was the victim, the perpetrator was truly accountable for his actions. However I feel strongly, I was partially culpable for not prosecuting him and therefore giving him unfettered access to more kids.
My parents and the coven that protected him was more culpable than I, for knowingly, under the guise of "understanding", letting him be someone else's problem and not holding him accountable.
Further, when you don't hold the perpetrator accountable, the message you are sending to the victim is very clear. "What happened to you is o.k." or "Your safety is not worth risking your attackers discomfort." No amount of therapy can undo the damage your "safe sacred community" does when it betrays you by inadvertently taking the side of your attacker.
Do what thou wilt, as it harm none. The coven that lets a predator lose in a world of children is opening its members to Karmic Flashback and not holding to this sacred creed.
In Love & Light
(name deleted
She has allowed me to share it, and I will do so. I have removed her name and email to protect her privacy.
This speaks directly to the issue that the Coven in question has at hand, and my friend gives permission to quote this note, so I've sent this along to the Coven and the families involved. I believe it's something they should hear.
Another author is writing an an article for The Witches' Voice on this subject where it will have a very wide readership. I've sent the author these notes (all names & emails removed). They will no doubt appreciate the help and advice that people have given this last week.
I sent out a note to the friend's list and it included this remark:
"Thank you, all. This is good work you are doing. We'll do whatever it take to make sure that this issue is addressed."
Sia
-------------------
Thank you for being so clear about this issue. I was a child, served up on the alter of other peoples "compassion" for an abuser. Sexual abuse is NOT a crime of passion. It IS a crime of CONTROL and ALWAYS ESCALATES!
Because I was not more forceful, as a child, in prosecuting my abuser 3 other children followed me and each case was worse than the previous. I understand I was the victim, the perpetrator was truly accountable for his actions. However I feel strongly, I was partially culpable for not prosecuting him and therefore giving him unfettered access to more kids.
My parents and the coven that protected him was more culpable than I, for knowingly, under the guise of "understanding", letting him be someone else's problem and not holding him accountable.
Further, when you don't hold the perpetrator accountable, the message you are sending to the victim is very clear. "What happened to you is o.k." or "Your safety is not worth risking your attackers discomfort." No amount of therapy can undo the damage your "safe sacred community" does when it betrays you by inadvertently taking the side of your attacker.
Do what thou wilt, as it harm none. The coven that lets a predator lose in a world of children is opening its members to Karmic Flashback and not holding to this sacred creed.
In Love & Light
(name deleted
Saturday, March 05, 2005
When Bad Things Happen
I thought of Nanny Ogg when I read this:
Question: "How can a good God allow bad things to happen to good people?"
"I do not ask this, because this question assumes that anything outside of what we personally would have planned is a Bad Thing, and it thus assumes that we should be God, and it assumes that there should be no death and no sickness and no pain and no stupidity and no jealousy and no irresponsible destruction in this world, which are all unrealistic hopes. So I do not ask this question."
Rather, I ask: "How do we respond when bad things happen? What can I do to heal the hurt?"
This comes from a discussion by Frank Wu on Jose Jiminez, science fiction stories and their influence on his painting titled "Jack's House"
It's not a complete response, of course, and it won't help everyone, but it's a beginning.
And it speaks to the another essay question I'm working on which is this: What are Witches for? Only Terry Pratchett, who is not, in fact, Pagan, has really addressed this in ways I find meaningful. Now, isn't that odd?
Sia
Full Circle Events
Question: "How can a good God allow bad things to happen to good people?"
"I do not ask this, because this question assumes that anything outside of what we personally would have planned is a Bad Thing, and it thus assumes that we should be God, and it assumes that there should be no death and no sickness and no pain and no stupidity and no jealousy and no irresponsible destruction in this world, which are all unrealistic hopes. So I do not ask this question."
Rather, I ask: "How do we respond when bad things happen? What can I do to heal the hurt?"
This comes from a discussion by Frank Wu on Jose Jiminez, science fiction stories and their influence on his painting titled "Jack's House"
It's not a complete response, of course, and it won't help everyone, but it's a beginning.
And it speaks to the another essay question I'm working on which is this: What are Witches for? Only Terry Pratchett, who is not, in fact, Pagan, has really addressed this in ways I find meaningful. Now, isn't that odd?
Sia
Full Circle Events
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Sexual Abuse by Pagans
Quote for the Day: "Witches speak for those who cannot speak for themselves" - from Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett
I receive a note today from a woman who wrote that her Pagan community had recently discovered a sexual predator in their midst. He abused several Pagan children before he was caught and jailed. I am told by her that the families are now in therapy and that the Pagan community involved had a meeting, which she felt was both effective and compassionate. She asked for my thoughts on this subject:
I wrote back:
SEXUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN BY PAGANS:
I have a very strong opinions about protecting kids.
It's happened before - far too often.
You might want to ask Isaac Bonewitz about this. If I remember the story correctly it goes like this: A Druid abused a child in their group and then moved to a new town when he was finally caught abusing another child. (Why the parents in the original group didn't prosecute, I don't know). Isaac had given this man's new group there a very strong, specific warning about this creep. They cited "Perfect love and perfect trust" back to him. Idiots! So, because of their credulity and lack of judgment, the monster got another Pagan kid before he was finally stopped.
Make it Public!
a) This particular case must be made public as a warning to others
b) Strong, useful, fact filled statements must be made. Give info that other Covens can use to better protect their own.
c) The children's names must be protected of course, but I, personally, would name the Coven, the area, and give the man's name with a note stating that he has been arrested and accused.
d) "Just the facts, Mamn", let's not start a panic or a Witch Hunt.
Other Victims?
As we found in the Catholic Priest Abuse scandal that once the abusers were named, more people came forward. There might be
a) Other children out there now who need therapy,
b) Other police who are following up on another cases who need this information, or
c) Other parents who now need to help their kids or go into therapy themselves.
Wake Up Call & Setting Standards:
The Pagan community needs a wake-up call in this regard. The sexual freedom that we espouse does not include irresponsible behavior in the age of Aids, or the abuse of partners. In particular, it does not support the abuse of children. Ever.
Enabling & Need for Therapy:
Those who were enabling this person are also in need of counseling.
a) His partner(s) and any kids he has, are also in need of serious counseling.
b) Those who were in the Circle with him probably need therapy. They must now be asking themselves why they didn't see this going on and how this guy got under their radar.
c) Most of all, the children. Both those who were abused and those who's friend's were hurt; they all desperately need help.
d) Please note: The witnesses to abuse are also victims of abuse. Just because he didn't touch one particular kid, doesn't mean they don't need help, too.
Funding:
Re the kids: If a family of a victim can't afford counseling, then the Pagan community needs to step up and help provide it. Funds must be gathered for this purpose, if necessary. I don't give a damn what else is going on - this is now their highest priority. If not, then anything else this Pagan community is doing or has done is a lie.
Keeping Secrets:
We can't heal the victims or protect our kids if we are keeping secrets. So yes, let's start
a) start a dialog and warn other Pagan parents,
b) set an example of how to handle this,
c) suggest treatments & form support groups (like Spiral Steps for the parents of the kids who were hurt) and
d) put abusers on notice that this will not be tolerated in our Circles.
Abusers Know Who To Pick:
That point is key. Abusers know exactly where to go and which kids are vulnerable. Let's make sure that our kids aren't ever in a position to be singled out by these types.
Facts About Sex Offenders
Protecting Your Family
National Registry of Sexual Offenders - by State
Tolerance my Grandma!:
Let's loose this idea that Tolerance = anything goes. That's just an excuse for neediness and a cover up for the inability to deal with conflict. It shows, not a broad minded acceptance of differences, but a total lack of manners, common sense and self esteem.
Terry Pratchett writes that Witches have a "duty" to exercise judgment. He's right.
This "anything goes" mind set is an open invitation to every con artist and abuser in town. So let's set some serious standards for behavior, attach some fair consequences for violations, and stick to it. Seriously, our people can be so open minded that their brains leak out. So, let's show some judgment here, and not let every freak and creep have their way with us.
There is a difference between these two things:
judgment: The power of comparing and deciding. Understanding; good sense. An opinion or estimate based on facts, experience, logic, considered thought and perspective.
judgmental: To find fault. To exhibit criticism or censure; often without cause or solid evidence. To form opinions based on prejudice or hearsay.
We are so afraid of being seen as judgmental, that we fear to use good judgment.
Codependency:
If I read you right, more than one family and/or child is involved. In such a case, the entire Circle/community has been fooled by this guy. They now need to ask themselves how and why they were so vulnerable. This will help their feelings of helplessness and guilt, help them to heal from their rage, and protect their children better in future.
If you need more information on this, let me know. I have information on codependency, dysfunctional families, and how poor boundaries set the stage for abuse in these cases.
Public Letter?
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you on this end. I feel very strongly about this issue and I will be happy to lend my name to any (reasonably worded) petition or public letter you might care to circulate. Such a letter needs to be strong and note the "We, the under signed" will not tolerate physical or sexual abuse in our Circles, and the we will report all cases of abuse to the proper authorities and make such cases known to the Pagan community at large.
Guidelines:
I would also be happy to help formulate a general set of guidelines or public policy for Covens, et all. I can put you in touch with Pagan counselors and teachers, as well, who might be able to help.
Information Page?
Perhaps it's time to start a Abuser Information Page. Something that has reliable information on abuse and abusers and the signs of same. I'm not suggesting a list of names here, but a list of types with notes on what to look for and how to get help if parents suspect abuse.
Many people don't know the M.O. of abusers, and a list of same from a child protection agency might help.
Legal Issues:
Let's also ask some attorneys just what the law says in this matter re privacy & responsibility in issues of abuse. The protection of Priests and the issue of confidentiality has been greatly dented of late. We cannot assume that Pagan Priests and Priestesses have the same legal protection that Counselors have or that Priests once had, and this needs to be considered.
Speaking of legal issues, you know, when I was teaching high school, we had - by California law - 24 hours in which to report signs of abuse or suspected abuse or we could be held liable, as well. I feel the same way about anyone in a Circle, especially a Priest or Priestess. They might want to consider the legal ramifications of not reporting what they know. If they get sued because they closed their eyes to abuse, I for one, will not stand up and defend them. That goes for physical abuse and/or neglect, as well.
Don't Panic:
Again, I don't want to start a panic among the other parents in this area (we've all seen what happens in such cases). In cases like this, where an arrest has been made, I believe that one can begin the discussion and issue a warning, while noting that guilt has yet to be proved.
To quote Bobby Earl: "My job is to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comfortable."
So, tell me how I can help, and I'm there.
Yours,
Sia
Full Circle Events
Honor the Past, Celebrate the Present, Create the Future
----------------------
I asked some contacts for feedback:
This just came in from a Pagan with an M.A. in Counseling:
I would add that there might be kids who were abused by this man and who have not yet talked about it. All kids who were exposed to him need to be assessed for the possibility of abuse, preferably by an experienced therapist. Pedophiles often abuse many, many children, not just a few. They may have already dealt with this.
You made a great point that kids who witness abuse or who know that their friends were abused will be hurt also, and that they all need support.
Particularly in case there are kids who have been abused who have not talked about it, all of the kids need to know that whenever they want to talk about it, there will be a supportive adult to talk to.
Kids/everyone heal in their own time.
Also, I would add that kids of any age are at risk (infants, toddlers, school age, teenagers). Sometimes, people don't think that kids of certain ages could be abused. I would hate for them not to consider the possibility of abuse due to a certain child's or teenagers age.
Also, let all kids know that it was not their fault.
I think it is wonderful that they have dealt with it reasonably well already.
S.
and this came in from an old friend in Minnesota who is a very active and wise hearted Mom.
I've heard the people from the Jacob Wetterling Foundation speak.
They have a good common sense approach. They have quite a bit of good information on their site. The information in the For Kids section of their website is good for talking to any of the children involved or any children period. Even if you think your kids know this, it is a good idea to repeat it and repeat it often. If someone has gotten to them, they will have heard the opposite message from their abuser so saying again that they are special, have rights and it is NEVER their fault is important.
I can't remember the statistics exactly but the abuser is much more likely to be a family member or a trusted friend than a total stranger. Hell on wheels. I hope everyone in the group will be well long term.
All my best thoughts and wishes.
M.
-----------------------
This came in from a good friend and a Pagan mom in our area:
Re Megan's Law:
My first thought is how sad it is that this happens. And my second is
that abuse is most often perpetrated by someone known to the victim.
I would be in support of a resource list and a signs and symptoms page
for parents so that they can recognize abuse. The signs are often
subtle. It may be useful to remember that Megans Law websites are now
up and people can check to see if a person suspected of abuse has done
it before (and gotten caught). I generally don't recommend it, but it
can be useful sometimes.
Note: Here is a Sex Offenders Registry, listed by state
I will also note that when you select a therapist, it must be a good fit
for both parties. If it doesn't feel right, find a new therapist and
try again. The person to whom you are baring your soul must be ok with
who you are which includes being pagan.. If they are not, it's not
going to be a positive experience nor will it assist in the healing process.
Otherwise, you've covered the stuff that I would and have gotten good
advise from others.
cheers,
K.
Re: Prevention:
Another Pagan gal, a professional in the child care industry, wanted to know why this guy was left alone with any children who were not his own, assuming that happened. Where she works, two adults are with the children at all times. This is done to protect both the caregivers and the kids, and it's a good thought.
As a teacher, I had to keep my doors and the blinds up if I met with a student one-on-one. I had a concern of any kind, I made sure that another teacher was next door and readily available. Our concerns were more about gang related violence, but the men teachers also had to be careful working around nubile young women students. I suppose these days, the women teachers also have to be just as careful.
Sia
I receive a note today from a woman who wrote that her Pagan community had recently discovered a sexual predator in their midst. He abused several Pagan children before he was caught and jailed. I am told by her that the families are now in therapy and that the Pagan community involved had a meeting, which she felt was both effective and compassionate. She asked for my thoughts on this subject:
I wrote back:
SEXUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN BY PAGANS:
I have a very strong opinions about protecting kids.
It's happened before - far too often.
You might want to ask Isaac Bonewitz about this. If I remember the story correctly it goes like this: A Druid abused a child in their group and then moved to a new town when he was finally caught abusing another child. (Why the parents in the original group didn't prosecute, I don't know). Isaac had given this man's new group there a very strong, specific warning about this creep. They cited "Perfect love and perfect trust" back to him. Idiots! So, because of their credulity and lack of judgment, the monster got another Pagan kid before he was finally stopped.
Make it Public!
a) This particular case must be made public as a warning to others
b) Strong, useful, fact filled statements must be made. Give info that other Covens can use to better protect their own.
c) The children's names must be protected of course, but I, personally, would name the Coven, the area, and give the man's name with a note stating that he has been arrested and accused.
d) "Just the facts, Mamn", let's not start a panic or a Witch Hunt.
Other Victims?
As we found in the Catholic Priest Abuse scandal that once the abusers were named, more people came forward. There might be
a) Other children out there now who need therapy,
b) Other police who are following up on another cases who need this information, or
c) Other parents who now need to help their kids or go into therapy themselves.
Wake Up Call & Setting Standards:
The Pagan community needs a wake-up call in this regard. The sexual freedom that we espouse does not include irresponsible behavior in the age of Aids, or the abuse of partners. In particular, it does not support the abuse of children. Ever.
Enabling & Need for Therapy:
Those who were enabling this person are also in need of counseling.
a) His partner(s) and any kids he has, are also in need of serious counseling.
b) Those who were in the Circle with him probably need therapy. They must now be asking themselves why they didn't see this going on and how this guy got under their radar.
c) Most of all, the children. Both those who were abused and those who's friend's were hurt; they all desperately need help.
d) Please note: The witnesses to abuse are also victims of abuse. Just because he didn't touch one particular kid, doesn't mean they don't need help, too.
Funding:
Re the kids: If a family of a victim can't afford counseling, then the Pagan community needs to step up and help provide it. Funds must be gathered for this purpose, if necessary. I don't give a damn what else is going on - this is now their highest priority. If not, then anything else this Pagan community is doing or has done is a lie.
Keeping Secrets:
We can't heal the victims or protect our kids if we are keeping secrets. So yes, let's start
a) start a dialog and warn other Pagan parents,
b) set an example of how to handle this,
c) suggest treatments & form support groups (like Spiral Steps for the parents of the kids who were hurt) and
d) put abusers on notice that this will not be tolerated in our Circles.
Abusers Know Who To Pick:
That point is key. Abusers know exactly where to go and which kids are vulnerable. Let's make sure that our kids aren't ever in a position to be singled out by these types.
Facts About Sex Offenders
Protecting Your Family
National Registry of Sexual Offenders - by State
Tolerance my Grandma!:
Let's loose this idea that Tolerance = anything goes. That's just an excuse for neediness and a cover up for the inability to deal with conflict. It shows, not a broad minded acceptance of differences, but a total lack of manners, common sense and self esteem.
Terry Pratchett writes that Witches have a "duty" to exercise judgment. He's right.
This "anything goes" mind set is an open invitation to every con artist and abuser in town. So let's set some serious standards for behavior, attach some fair consequences for violations, and stick to it. Seriously, our people can be so open minded that their brains leak out. So, let's show some judgment here, and not let every freak and creep have their way with us.
There is a difference between these two things:
judgment: The power of comparing and deciding. Understanding; good sense. An opinion or estimate based on facts, experience, logic, considered thought and perspective.
judgmental: To find fault. To exhibit criticism or censure; often without cause or solid evidence. To form opinions based on prejudice or hearsay.
We are so afraid of being seen as judgmental, that we fear to use good judgment.
Codependency:
If I read you right, more than one family and/or child is involved. In such a case, the entire Circle/community has been fooled by this guy. They now need to ask themselves how and why they were so vulnerable. This will help their feelings of helplessness and guilt, help them to heal from their rage, and protect their children better in future.
If you need more information on this, let me know. I have information on codependency, dysfunctional families, and how poor boundaries set the stage for abuse in these cases.
Public Letter?
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you on this end. I feel very strongly about this issue and I will be happy to lend my name to any (reasonably worded) petition or public letter you might care to circulate. Such a letter needs to be strong and note the "We, the under signed" will not tolerate physical or sexual abuse in our Circles, and the we will report all cases of abuse to the proper authorities and make such cases known to the Pagan community at large.
Guidelines:
I would also be happy to help formulate a general set of guidelines or public policy for Covens, et all. I can put you in touch with Pagan counselors and teachers, as well, who might be able to help.
Information Page?
Perhaps it's time to start a Abuser Information Page. Something that has reliable information on abuse and abusers and the signs of same. I'm not suggesting a list of names here, but a list of types with notes on what to look for and how to get help if parents suspect abuse.
Many people don't know the M.O. of abusers, and a list of same from a child protection agency might help.
Legal Issues:
Let's also ask some attorneys just what the law says in this matter re privacy & responsibility in issues of abuse. The protection of Priests and the issue of confidentiality has been greatly dented of late. We cannot assume that Pagan Priests and Priestesses have the same legal protection that Counselors have or that Priests once had, and this needs to be considered.
Speaking of legal issues, you know, when I was teaching high school, we had - by California law - 24 hours in which to report signs of abuse or suspected abuse or we could be held liable, as well. I feel the same way about anyone in a Circle, especially a Priest or Priestess. They might want to consider the legal ramifications of not reporting what they know. If they get sued because they closed their eyes to abuse, I for one, will not stand up and defend them. That goes for physical abuse and/or neglect, as well.
Don't Panic:
Again, I don't want to start a panic among the other parents in this area (we've all seen what happens in such cases). In cases like this, where an arrest has been made, I believe that one can begin the discussion and issue a warning, while noting that guilt has yet to be proved.
To quote Bobby Earl: "My job is to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comfortable."
So, tell me how I can help, and I'm there.
Yours,
Sia
Full Circle Events
Honor the Past, Celebrate the Present, Create the Future
----------------------
I asked some contacts for feedback:
This just came in from a Pagan with an M.A. in Counseling:
I would add that there might be kids who were abused by this man and who have not yet talked about it. All kids who were exposed to him need to be assessed for the possibility of abuse, preferably by an experienced therapist. Pedophiles often abuse many, many children, not just a few. They may have already dealt with this.
You made a great point that kids who witness abuse or who know that their friends were abused will be hurt also, and that they all need support.
Particularly in case there are kids who have been abused who have not talked about it, all of the kids need to know that whenever they want to talk about it, there will be a supportive adult to talk to.
Kids/everyone heal in their own time.
Also, I would add that kids of any age are at risk (infants, toddlers, school age, teenagers). Sometimes, people don't think that kids of certain ages could be abused. I would hate for them not to consider the possibility of abuse due to a certain child's or teenagers age.
Also, let all kids know that it was not their fault.
I think it is wonderful that they have dealt with it reasonably well already.
S.
and this came in from an old friend in Minnesota who is a very active and wise hearted Mom.
I've heard the people from the Jacob Wetterling Foundation speak.
They have a good common sense approach. They have quite a bit of good information on their site. The information in the For Kids section of their website is good for talking to any of the children involved or any children period. Even if you think your kids know this, it is a good idea to repeat it and repeat it often. If someone has gotten to them, they will have heard the opposite message from their abuser so saying again that they are special, have rights and it is NEVER their fault is important.
I can't remember the statistics exactly but the abuser is much more likely to be a family member or a trusted friend than a total stranger. Hell on wheels. I hope everyone in the group will be well long term.
All my best thoughts and wishes.
M.
-----------------------
This came in from a good friend and a Pagan mom in our area:
Re Megan's Law:
My first thought is how sad it is that this happens. And my second is
that abuse is most often perpetrated by someone known to the victim.
I would be in support of a resource list and a signs and symptoms page
for parents so that they can recognize abuse. The signs are often
subtle. It may be useful to remember that Megans Law websites are now
up and people can check to see if a person suspected of abuse has done
it before (and gotten caught). I generally don't recommend it, but it
can be useful sometimes.
Note: Here is a Sex Offenders Registry, listed by state
I will also note that when you select a therapist, it must be a good fit
for both parties. If it doesn't feel right, find a new therapist and
try again. The person to whom you are baring your soul must be ok with
who you are which includes being pagan.. If they are not, it's not
going to be a positive experience nor will it assist in the healing process.
Otherwise, you've covered the stuff that I would and have gotten good
advise from others.
cheers,
K.
Re: Prevention:
Another Pagan gal, a professional in the child care industry, wanted to know why this guy was left alone with any children who were not his own, assuming that happened. Where she works, two adults are with the children at all times. This is done to protect both the caregivers and the kids, and it's a good thought.
As a teacher, I had to keep my doors and the blinds up if I met with a student one-on-one. I had a concern of any kind, I made sure that another teacher was next door and readily available. Our concerns were more about gang related violence, but the men teachers also had to be careful working around nubile young women students. I suppose these days, the women teachers also have to be just as careful.
Sia
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