The topic for this week at the Spiral Steps on-line support group is loving. One member shared in a way I found so moving that I asked if I could reprint her share here. So, with her permission, I offer this essay by guest Blogger, Herself.
Today my thoughts on loving are a mix of events in my life.*******
Yesterday my mother called to say she will being seeing an Oncologist in two weeks because they believe she has uterine cancer, "don't tell your brothers, daughters or aunts yet". Loving is making the five hour drive to go to the appointment with her. Facing my fears of losing my last parent to cancer, of going through all that it entails again and this time not drinking my way through it. Loving is knowing that I can respect her wishes for secrecy and still be able to call friends in the program and tell them I am afraid. Taking care of my spirit and sobriety by reaching out. Feeling their support and knowing I can count on it.
Yesterday the postman brought a footlocker to my door, sent from a young man in Iraq. He loves my daughter and has invented a game to pass the time they must be separated. She must wait for his call to get the combination to the lock, inside their are clues that she must follow and at the end there will be some sort of silly irreverent thing that will make her (and the rest of the family) laugh. This is loving.
Today he called, we thought to give her the code but he had forgotten it and we had to cut the lock off anyway! LOL. We all will tease him about that for weeks. This is loving.
Today I watched as she took out his uniform shirts and buried her face in them because they smelled of him. My heart is so afraid for them both, I have to work hard at surrounding them in loving light to keep the darkness of fears out. Still I cry as I watch her take the shirt to bed with her, tears in her eyes, soft smile on her lips. I call to her as she passes my door, "enjoy your dreams Lovey". This is loving.
Not always sweet, not always romance or sexual attraction. Sometimes requiring all the strength we have to give or acceptance we do not wish to practice. Sometimes requiring us to reach out and ask for help, when our ego would have us isolate and live in the fears. Sometimes requiring a goodbye and grief.
The intent that created a place to share what I don't understand, is loving.
Loving is all these things for me.
Namaste and Thank you.
May you have such loving in your own life.
Making a Sea Change: The Spiral Steps Support Groups
Painting: Day by Robert Edward Hughes