Saturday, July 30, 2005

Dysfunctional Behavior & the Pagan Scene

The August newsletter & the essay are now up at the FCE site.

Part I: DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOR AND THE PAGAN SCENE
Part II: HEALTHY PAGAN GROUPS & INDIVIDUALS (Coming in September)

Chapters in Part I:

It’s A Mystery * How Dysfunctional Energy Can Harm a Circle * What Newcomers Find * The Fallout From Dysfunctional Groups & Teachers * Burn Out * Magickal Thinking * Paganism & the Sacred Wound * Common Sense & Simple Courtesy: Why Are They So Hard To Find? * What To Look For (& Avoid) In Pagan Groups & Teachers * The Magick Within

Part II will be up in September. Then I'll I rework it again and offer the two part series to Vox.

Meanwhile, the foster kittens (Daisy & Merlin) go up for adoption tommorrow. I'll miss them.

Sia

Thursday, July 28, 2005

What To Look For (& Avoid) When Choosing Pagan Groups & Teachers

I've spent the last two weeks reworking my essay titled "It's a Mystery: Dysfunctional Behavior & the Pagan Scene." As usual, it's too darn long. It will post to the newsletter by this weekend.

I will rework the sections today and I might offer it as a multi-part series. Mercury is in retrograde and it's a bad time to talk to people, but a great time to rewrite and rethink certain projects.

One section, which will eventually appear in the book Herding Cats, has to do with choosing Pagan groups and teachers.

Sia

Excerpt from Herding Cats:

WHAT TO LOOK FOR (AND AVOID) IN PAGAN CIRCLES & TEACHERS:

There are thousands of good reasons
why magic doesn't rule the world.
They're called Witches and Wizards,

- Terry Pratchett

I am often asked to give advice about choosing a teacher or joining a circle. I'm a very practical Pagan so I tell newcomers that any Priest/ess worth the name will have their life more or less in balance.

A wise Pagan understands that cause and effect operates on a holistic level. Therefore, they attend to their emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health. They know that a problem in one area affects the whole system.

If you are looking for a teacher, you'll want to find someone who has the life you someday wish to have. Look at their entire life, not just that bit you see presented at the full moon. If you are looking for a circle, you'll want to consider what sort of energy they project and attract. Ask yourself if you really wish to mix with that energy.

Here are some other things to consider when choosing a group or a teacher:

*** Is their life in harmony or do they live from crisis to crisis? If their life is in constant chaos, just how good do you think their magick is?

*** Can they sustain healthy relationships? If their emotional life is burdened by resentments, betrayal, abuse, anger or codependency, then what will their relations with others in the group (or their chosen deities) be like?

*** Can they handle money responsibly? If not, what can they teach you about abundance and prosperity? If the group works out of a perpetual "sense of lack" or if they fear the responsibility that abundance brings, what sort of energy will they attract? The issue here is not how much money a person makes, but how well they manage their resources.

*** Are they secure in themselves or insecure? Can they share power appropriately or do they have too many control issues? Or, are they the helpless type? If so, they'll want someone to come to their rescue. If they refuse to address the issue of power honestly, the circle will remain unbalanced and out of tune.

*** Are they responsible? Are they someone you can count on? If not, they could let everyone down when it counts the most. If they are the classic "flaky Pagan" they will be good at avoiding responsibility or they will get others to do the work for them. If you play this game, you are limiting their growth, and hurting yourself.

*** Do they know how to nurture themselves? If not, they will eventually burn out from stress, mess, and excess. Since misery loves company, they might resent (or even sabotage) any attempts you make to become happier, healthier, and more balanced.

*** Are they a source of negative or positive energy? If they whine, rage, play the victim/martyr, spread gossip, or complain all the time, you have your answer.

*** Can they communicate well with others? Can they resolve conflicts with fairness and respect? If not the circle could be rife with unspoken resentments, passive aggressive behavior, and negative energy.

*** Do they have healthy personal boundaries and respect the boundaries of others? If not, the circle is at risk for sexual abuse, codependent enmeshment, and a host of other problems.

*** Do they influence others for better or for worse? Look at their former students and circle members and see if they are better for knowing them. Have these people been challenged to change and grow? Are they more insightful, empowered, and happier as a result of their work together or are they stuck in place? Has their spiritual practice deepened and matured over time? If not, why not?

*** Do they treat their practice with the respect it deserves? Check to see if their rituals are chronically late or ill prepared. If so, it is a sign of disrespect towards the circle members and the deities they serve. If your group puts up with this, they might need to do a little less magick, and lot more work on their self-esteem.

*** Are they trustworthy? Don't rely solely on their claims; ask around. Remember that trust is not given blindly. Trust must be earned.

*** Are they conscious of their own emotional issues, and working to become healthier, overall? The truth is that we all have emotional burdens to bear. All we can ask of other human beings is that they be aware of their issues and do the necessary work to heal. It is not acceptable for circle mates or teachers to inflict their problems on other people. Offering mutual support to each other is a good thing. Asking you to carry their burdens for them is quite another. If they try to engage you in their drama and trauma, walk away.

*** Are they Learners or Posers? Learners are willing to learn from others and from their own mistakes. If they do make a mistake, they apoligize where necessary, and move forward with new wisdom. Posers only care about looking good and they love to blame others for their problems. Which sort of person will your diety respect?

*** Are they creative? Can they help you to be more creative, as well? Or do they confuse being an artist with being immature? If so, theyƂ’ll want to be the Artiste with La Vision and have someone else do all the work.

*** Do they know the difference between deep play and acting out? If not, your rituals will be a lot less about personal expression and divine inspiration, and a lot more like bad theatre.

*** Are they compassionate? If a Priest or Priestess isn't good to their kids or if they neglect any animals in their care, leave that circle immediately.

*** Do they honor their word, their partners, and their friends? If not, they are asking for a karmic kick in the butt. Get out before that happens. (If you witness actual abuse contact the authorities on your way out the door. Morally speaking, you may not leave another being in harm's way without trying to do something about it. Take spiritual and legal counsel, if necessary, and proceed with caution, but do the right thing. Who knows? You may have been sent there for just that reason.)

Above all, trust your gut, and don't do anything you don't want to do. Pay more attention to what they do and less attention to what they say. Above all, use good judgment when you seek to learn.

It's important to remember that some people come to Paganism wanting power; power they aren't ready to use, either fairly or well. If they achieve authority among us without having the wisdom to temper their use of power they will then go on to abuse others. If we allow this, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

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Copyright: Sia Vogel - 2005

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Earthwise Ethics

Years ago I wrote a general list of what I think most Pagans believe, and posted it at the front page of the Full Circle website. It hit a chord and has since traveled the internet quite a bit (sometimes with author credit, sometimes not).

Recently, I decided to rewrite and update that list of principals. I spent many months compliling and rewriting it, and also asked the opinion of Pagans and other people I respect.

Here is the latest version:

Earthwise Ethics:

We all have rules and guidelines we live by. They form the basis for each person’s belief system, otherwise known as their spirituality, philosophy, ideology, faith, practice, moral values, tradition, or religion. Regardless of what we call it, Pagan people respect thse basic principles:

* We recognize that all beings are connected.

* We have a reverence for earth and her creatures. We believe that it is important to protect and heal the environment, and we try to "step lightly" on the earth and to live in harmony with nature.

* We celebrate the changing of the seasons and the important moments in our lives according to our chosen path, tradition, faith, or philosophy.

* Our personal practice is a source of joy, comfort, empowerment, and growth. It includes self-acceptance, courage, understanding, and compassion. We treat other people, and ourselves, with respect.

* We support free inquiry and we honor learning, knowledge, ideas, and creativity. We value discovery and understanding rather than unquestioning obedience.

* We believe in spiritual, legal, and social equality between men and women.

* We believe that every human being is ultimately responsible for his or her own actions, and we endeavor to make choices for ourselves that are wise, healthy, and responsible. We acknowledge that the choices we make matter greatly to others, both in the present and for future generations, and we act accordingly.

* We have a desire to help those in need and to be a force for good. We work to prevent the mistreatment of children and animals, and to help those less fortunate than ourselves. We believe it's important both to do good and to enjoy life, as well.

* We oppose cruelty, abuse, and the exploitation of others, regardless of religion, nationality, age, race, sex, or social status, and we stand against fanaticism, and hatred.

* We believe in the four basic freedoms: Freedom of Speech & Expression, Freedom of Worship, Freedom from Want, and Freedom from Fear.

* We respect the beliefs of other people as long as these beliefs do not violate basic rights and freedoms. We believe that each person will find the path that is right for him or her, and we do not claim that our way is the only one, true or right way. We offer information on our beliefs to those who are interested but we do not proselytize.

* We honor our own cultural heritage and respect what is positive and life affirming in every society. We support economic and civil justice for all.

* We honor the past but avoid repeating the mistakes of history. We celebrate the present with a sense of perspective and gratitude and we take action to create a better future.

* We choose to live a life of honor by acting with integrity. We accept the challenges before us, and seek to grow in strength and wisdom.

* We claim our right to be loving, joyful, creative, fullfilled human beings and we support the right of others to do the same.


- copyright 1999, 2005: Sia

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Just finished "Half Blood Prince"

It's Sunday night. I bought the latest Harry Potter on Saturday morning and I've just finished it. I enjoyed it a great deal.

Tonight, I'll give the book to a friend of mine. Her son is a big HP fan.

SPOILER ALERT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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THIS IS ABOUT THE ENDING AND THE NEXT BOOK SO BE WARNED.................

1) I don't believe that Dumbldore is dead.
a)He told Malfloy that the Order of the Phoenix could make the Death Eaters think that others were dead in order to hide them safely.
b) His tomb covers any "body" hidden in that purple & gold covering - and not no one can check to see if Dumbledore is really in there.
c) His phoenix familiar flew away - I believe it rejoined him.
d) A phoenix apparition rose from the smoke at his gravesite
e) His picture in the study is simply sleeping, unlike the other pictures there.
f) Snape could make it look like he was dead and so be trusted even more by Voldemort.

2) Snape is protecting Harry and has been all this time.
a) He felt guilty at betraying Harry's parents, even unknowingly, to their deaths
b) I believe that he swore an unbreakable vow to Dumbledore to protect Harry, when Harry was small, which is why Dumbledore trusts him completely
c) He has never done any real harm to Harry
d) Breaking the vow would kill him
e) Other books made reference to a "plan" between Dumbledore and Snape. I believe they have not put that plan into action.

of course now, he has to protect Harry and Malfloy in the same way and for the same reasons. We don't know the wording in the vow made over Harry, but I'll but it doesn't contain the loopholes that the vow to Malfloy has.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Coming Out of the Closet

I sent an essay on the Spiral Steps groups to Dio at the Witches' Voice. I've signed it as Dj, the founder of Spiral Steps. I also noted in the Bio that my Craft name is Sia, which is how their readers have known me these last 4 years.

Coming out of the Recovery Closet is actually much harder for me than coming out of the Broom Closet ever was. After all, it's not just my story I'm telling here. I had to find a way way to talk about our support groups without betraying my family's privacy. I've done that.

This is a milestone for me. It won't mean as much to others, of course. After all, I'm a very little fish in a tiny Pagan pond. But there are other Pagans out there struggling with with addiction and dysfunctional families, and I'm hoping this helps them to know that they are not alone and that Pagan support groups exist.

Meanwhile, the online Spiral Steps group continues to grow and new people come to the real world meetings. Brenda (Director of Special Markets at Red Wheel, Weiser & Conari) is pitching the Spiral Steps book to her bosses as we speak. If this is the book I was meant to write, then I'll write it. It's not the book I had planned to write, nor is it the one I pitched to them, but the Goddess does love her little jokes...

Sia
"If I can't laugh, it's not my religion"

Monday, July 11, 2005

Spiral Steps Now Accepting New Members

I posted this at Vox today, and elsewhere:

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The Spiral Steps Online Support Group is now accepting new members. All are welcome.

Using these steps we are able to deal with a wide variety of issues, including such issues as:

Anxiety & Depression * Chemical Addictions to alcohol, food, and drugs, etc. * Changing old patterns of behavior that effect us negatively today * Codependency & Counter dependency * Denial * Forgiving others and ourselves * Guilt & Shame * Growing up in dysfunctional families and how that effects us today * Handing Conflict & Fighting Fair * Handing feelings in healthy ways * Issues around being over or under responsible * Issues with Money & Prosperity * Letting go of old relationships and moving on * Perfectionism * Process addictions such as workaholism, manic shopping & over spending, gambling, creating a constant state of crisis, etc. * Problems dealing with change * Relationship Issues * Resentments * Trust Issues * Self Esteem * Setting healthy boundaries with friends, coworkers and loved ones * Self Assertion * Stress: what it does to us & how to relieve it * Uncovering and supporting our creative selves.

This is a nondenominational, anonymous support group, based on Earthwise ethics. We do not allow cross talk and we use "I messages" when we share.

Whether you are at the beginning, middle or near the end of the journey towards your Best Self, we believe that the Spiral Steps groups can help you along the path.

Please write or call if you have any questions or concerns,

Go well, stay well,

Dj
Founder: Spiral Steps Support Groups
http://www.spiralsteps.org
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/spiral-steps/

Friday, July 08, 2005

Writing & Random Thoughts

I met with the publisher at her office on Tuesday. It was a good meeting. For my part, I got a good feel from them. She liked the work, and will take it to the top cat in Boston. I am ...cautiously optimistic.

Meanwhile, I'm working on an essay that is a good deal harder to write. It's going to ruffle some feathers. I don't mind doing that, as long as I do it with integrity.

The Spiral Steps meetings are going well. There are now 23 members in the on-line group.

A large Native American gathering was just canceled. So many good things have gone in the last few years. Money and staff, money and staff, it always comes down to money and staff.

This area is changing day by day. Too many people. Portland are Seattle are looking like better options for many of us.

The people of London are in our thoughts today. Many of us are doing rituals for the people who were hurt or those who've lost loved ones. Some of us are doing rituals to help the people who died, pass over. Sad days.

It's only a matter of time before the war hits the public again in this country as it did on 9/11. This will be the first period in America since the Civil War that the entire nation has felt the immediate, bloody effects of war. They didn't have television back then. I wonder how we'll behave when we have to cope with frequent bombings, televised nationally, in the same way the Brits and the Israelis have done?

Sia