Women's Spirituality: publishers no longer think we're cool.

and people wonder why we hoard books.....

The Wild Hunt recently alerted it's readers to an issue in the publishing world that many Pagan feminists had discussed amongst ourselves for some time: books on the women's spirituality movement are now no longer in high (or perhaps any?) demand by publishers. Jason writes:

The wonderful Goddess spirituality blog Medusa Coils points to a recent essay by Starhawk at Alive Mind & Spirit that explores the ever-shrinking mainstream market for “women’s spirituality” book titles, and what that has done to their movement.

“…although you may or may not have noticed, major publishers are no longer terribly interested in books on women’s spirituality. Why? Back in the ‘eighties, HarperSanFrancisco published not just me but a whole lot of great books—Carol Christ, Marija Gimbutas, Z. Budapest, Luisah Teish, Vicki Noble if I’m remembering it all right. They were the books we read, discussed, got excited about and inspired by. Then sometime in the nineties they dropped just about everyone except me—not because the books weren’t selling, but because they weren’t selling enough. They lost interest in publishing for a strong, steady niche, and only really wanted to publish blockbusters for the mass market … it had a debilitating effect on the movement. Without the books to inspire women, without new books to continue the discussions and debate, we lost ground, especially with younger women.”

Starhawk also seems to partially blame the Internet and blogging on this shift, though she hasn’t been shy in utilizing the web to fuel her own activist concerns and capitalist endeavours (one wonders how many new readers she gets from her lofty perch at the Newsweek/Washington Post-backed On Faith blog). It is true that book publishers are increasingly focused on “blockbusters”, but it’s also true that there has been a slow shift in the “New Age” book market away from Pagan/occult material and towards the Oprah-style self-empowerment/improvement genre(s). The industry is in flux, and the Pagan and Goddess-focused authors and small publishers will have to think of new ways to reach their audiences (just as the book Starhawk mentions, “Women of Wisdom”, seems to be doing).

Jason makes some interesting points here about the Internet. I have books by all of these authors in what I think of as my Second Wave Pagan library and, to a greater and lesser, extent, they have informed my path, my organizing work and my writing. That's not to say that I necessarily agree with what they wrote. In some cases these authors gave me someone to argue with with in head, enough so that I was moved to read other writers until I came to my own conclusions. I would recommend that anyone learning about Paganism for the first time have a hungry mind, a respect for historical fact over fiction and be willing to compare, contrast and take whatever they read with a healthy grain of salt. That said, I would be sorry to see some of the better ones go out of print. Will digital libraries save us or does the net's effect on books and book sales mean that fewer good books on these issues can or will be published? The issues addressed by this movement are much broader and deeper then mainstream publishers with their sub genre mindsets can comprehend and this may mean that the work moves not so much underground but down a few rows and a little to the left on store shelves. A new title, cover and blurb and some refocus of language and you have much of the same information repackaged for the new era. So stay tuned. In the meantime, this is tough on Pagan authors who thought they'd finally found a home in the publishing world and harder on new authors who had hoped to add their work to the ones already on the shelves. What is means for readers is that less insightful, inspiring work is being published at a time when Paganism and the Women's Spirituality Movement as a whole has reached a new level of maturity and relevance in an age of global intolerance and change. Good writers need to be supported and nurtured by their publishers (and their readers) so that their work can evolve and grow. We've all seen what happens when hacks write books for a hot market. As things currently stand we may well see some of the best "Pagan" information, not to mention eco-feminist and earthwise authors published under other headings. This could be a good thing in some ways. Not all Pagan authors wanted to be listed in the occult section.

I would not be happy to see the topic of "Women' Spirituality" disappear from our cultural conversation. Some years ago, I was deeply sorry to see women's studies courses which, when I was at school, were powerful, bubbling cauldrons at U.S. campuses; places where women could gather to learn their history, voice their concerns and learn from one other, devolve into mere "gender studies" just because the guys felt left out (and after dominating history and culture for the last 5,000 years who could blame them?). So it goes. That is often what happens when the ideas that cultural creatives espouse finally enter the zeitgeist; what was one radical becomes more accepted. I would note, though, that this wisdom is accepted mostly by academics, feminists, humanists and the more progressive people of faith and only there in mostly comfortable and upscale areas of the blue states. Somewhere out there are a lot of little girls and teenage women who need this information. How will they get it now? I rather think they'll find it in fiction. Women (and good men) writers of fiction have long since embraced these ideas as their own.

If you have some recently titles you'd like to suggest, fiction or non, will you let me know? I'll pass them on.

Perhaps we should make July our very own book month and talk what we're reading, what we'd recommend and why.

Here's to all your reading,

Sia

Inanna on Pagan values and the scanctity of earth

Today I would like to share a link to a post by Inanna. (1) It is a well written, succinct and thoughtful summation of what Pagans believe and practice when it comes to earthwise issues. As a Green Witch I think that she's done a wonderful job talking not just about the ways we feel about Mamma Gaia but the ways in which we work to connect with and heal the earth. This is one of the essays you keep in your files and hand out to both newcomers and friends. It is titled Pagan Values: the scanctity of the earth.

Check out her other posts on Pagan values, as well. The lady does good work.

Excerpt:

In keeping with this value, Pagans strive to live in right relationship with the earth and her creatures. We invoke the ideas of balance and right relationship and reject models of dominance. We may practice permaculture, buy organic foods, garden organically, strive to live sustainably, belong to conservationist groups and land trusts, advocate rights or protections for animals, or shelter and rescue domestic animals. Most of the Pagans I know are involved in one or more of these practical, earth-honoring activities.

...Surely the image of earth as Mother arose in cultures where there was less separation from the land than in ours, and where breastfeeding children was the norm. The way that a human mother gives of herself for her child, providing nourishment and care, fulfilling the needs of early life, mut have struck our ancestors as analogous to the way the earth provides us with water, food, medicine, shelter.

Read the whole thing. I recommend keeping it bookmarked. It's a great teaching tool.

Sia

Endnotes:


(1) Drat the woman. She can do in one page what takes me five to accomplish. Again, great work Inanna.

Art: Dawangyump - Tewa Music Under Moondog Sky. It comes from the First People website - the section on native art and artists.

Learners Inherit the Earth

In times of change learners inherit the earth
while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped
to work in a world that no longer exists.

- Eric Hoffer

Over the course of my life I've met many learned and intelligent people in a wide variety of fields. Out of all these very few were truly wise. (1) With that in mind, I'm posting this Wikipedia excerpt on Eric Hoffer and learning in honor of Pagan Values Month.

One abiding Pagan value is learning. It's a good value but only if one extends it beyond mere book learning and only if we are committed to learning and questioning what it is we think we know over the course of our lifetime. Pagans, as a group, have always valued learning. At the same time, we have also been willing to question received wisdom. Learners sit right in the center of that paradox, laughing and sharing the joke.

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time

- T.S. Eliot

Many of us are now facing the challenge of re-training. Others are challenged by life itself to look deep inside and learn more about ourselves. We have been asked to confront the lessons we received from our family of origin, our path and our culture in order to better understand our personal choices. We are asked, as I have noted before, to bravely face our Shadow Sides and to become actors in this life, not re-actors.

Between the conception
and the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Lies the Shadow

- T.S. Eliot

Eric Hoffer's writing on learning, work, self esteem and values are deeply relevant to earthwise foks as we question our own wisdom, tolerance and emotional intelligence, both as individuals and within our groups. (2) His ideas are particularly useful to those of us who seek to find meaning in our daily livess.

Hoffer was among the first to recognize the central importance of self-esteem to psychological well-being. While most recent writers focus on the benefits of a positive self-esteem, Hoffer focused on the consequences of a lack of self-esteem. Concerned about the rise of totalitarian governments, especially those of Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin, he tried to find the roots of these "madhouses" in human psychology. He postulated that fanaticism and self-righteousness are rooted in self-hatred, self-doubt, and insecurity. As he describes in The True Believer, he believed a passionate obsession with the outside world or with the private lives of other people is merely a craven attempt to compensate for a lack of meaning in one's own life.

The mass movements discussed in The True Believer include religious mass movements as well as political, including extensive discussions of Islam and Christianity. They also include seemingly benign mass movements which are neither political nor religious. A core principle in the book is Hoffer's insight that mass movements are interchangeable; he notes fanatical Nazis later becoming fanatical Communists, fanatical Communists later becoming fanatical anti-Communists, and Saul, persecutor of Christians, becoming Paul, a fanatical Christian himself. For the true believer the substance of the mass movement isn't so important as that he or she is part of that movement. Hoffer furthermore suggests that it is possible to head off the rise of an undesirable mass movement by substituting a benign mass movement, which will give those prone to joining movements an outlet for their insecurities.

Hoffer's work was original, staking out new ground largely ignored by dominant academic trends of his time. In particular, Hoffer's work was completely non-Freudian, at a time when almost all American psychology was confined to the Freudian paradigm. Many argue Hoffer's lack of a formal University education contributed to his independent thought, with his book remaining an insightful classic today.

Inchworm, inchworm
Measuring the marigolds
You and your arithmetic
You'll probably go far

Inchworm, inchworm
Measuring the marigolds
Why don't you stop and see
How beautiful they are

- lyrics, Mark Rew

Here's to the Learners among us.

Sia

Related Articles:

The Bard and the Poser

Neo-Pagans and Self Actualization

Scared Snakes & Lizard Brain OR What Helps You Hope?

Recommended Reading:

Raising Self-Relient Children in a Self Indulgent World by H. Stephen Glenn


Endnotes:

(1) By that I mean, very few were that mix of intelligence, perceptiveness, diligence, understanding, ethics, shrewdness, courage, experience, self awareness, intuition, learning, ethics, sense of humor, pragmatism, perspective and compassion that I associate with wisdom and fewer still had found a balance between the needs of body, mind and spirit. For the record, I include my self in the list of those striving for but not yet attaining wisdom.

(2) Here, for example, is food for thought from Hoffer on the subject of transition and extended adolescence in American culture:

Hoffer's insights into the consequences of a lack of self-esteem also informed his later writings...In Hoffer's view, rapid change is not a positive thing for a society, and too rapid change can cause a regression in maturity for those who were brought up in a very different society than what that society has become. He noted that in the 1960s America had many young adults still living in extended adolescence.

...He sees these puberty rites as essential for self-esteem, and notes that mass movements and juvenile mindsets tend to go together to the point that anyone, no matter what age, who joins a mass movement immediately begins to exhibit juvenile behavior. He further notes that the reason working class Americans did not by and large join in the 1960s protest movements and subcultures was they had entry into meaningful labor as an effective rite of passage out of adolescence, while both the very poor on welfare and the affluent are, in his words "prevented from having a share in the world's work and of proving their manhood by doing a man's work and getting a man's pay" (sic) and thus remained in a state of extended adolescence, lacking in necessary self-esteem, and prone to joining mass movements as a form of compensation. Hoffer suggested that this need for meaningful work as a rite of passage into adulthood could be fulfilled with a 2-year civilian national service program (not unlike the earlier programs during the Depression such as the Civilian Conservation Corps), in which all young adults would do two years of work in fields such as construction or natural resources work. He writes: "The routinization of the passage from boyhood to manhood would contribute to the solution of many of our pressing problems. I cannot think of any other undertaking that would dovetail so many of our present difficulties into opportunities for growth."

Pagan Values: Cherish Mamma Gaia and Clean Up Your Mess

People not clear on the concept.

Sadly,

Sia

Related Articles:


Stonehenges Pagans aren't a patch on the past
One journalist thinks the Stonehenge crowd have got it wrong.

Pagans litter Stonehenge
Oh, really? Just how many of the litter bugs were Pagans or Druids, pray? How many were heedless ravers, drug wasted wannabes and obnoxious tourists?

Record crowds at Stonehenge

Pagan Party Goers and Naked Bicycle Riders
Celebrating solstice in the Pacific Northwest

A Sense of Place:
Added 6/23
...and some people get it. Hecate is one of those. Here is an excerpt but do read the whole thing.

Paganism is, at least IMHO, a religion of place. It's wonderful to love Mamma Gaia and the entire planet, but the daily practice of Paganism is hugely involved, I think, in the business of being in deeper and deeper relationship with one's own particular landbase/watershed/genius loci. It's largely about becoming familiar with, listening to, doing right by, and helping to turn the wheel in concert with the particular spirits of your particular place. And that's something that I think that American Pagans, especially, haven't yet done or learned how to do, which may partly explain our longing for (insert your spot here) Stonehenge, Avebury, Bridget's Well, the Caves in Lascaux, Crete, the Parthenon, ancient Egypt, etc.

Summer Solstice: Ancient & Modern Celebrations

‘Before the gods that made the gods
Had seen their sunrise pass,
The White Horse of the White Horse Vale
Was cut out of the grass.’

G.K Chesterton, 1911

Blessings of the coming Summer Solstice to you and yours. I hope you have fun welcoming in the day. I know I will.

(from 2008 - Reposted in honor of Pagan Values Month)

The Religious Tolerance website reminds us that this is day celebrated by people of many faiths and none. As such, it's one of my favorite holidays.

I always like to find a slightly different take on these well known holidays. Here are two such: Five Petal Rose wrote an interesting post on the Summer Solstice as a Holiday of Fire and Water while Blue Roebuck offers us a nice mix of Sun Goddesses as a means to reclaim the power of women.

Today I would like to share a recent story about the Giant of Dorset.

Many believe the figure is a symbol of ancient spirituality and fertility and he has been used to advertise products as diverse as condoms, jeans and bicycles.

During WWII, the giant was disguised to prevent the Germans using him as an aerial landmark.

This area of England is blessed with abundant wildlife close to the giant (natch) and these insects, flowers, animals and birds are being studied and protected by the National Trust.

Of all the chalk figures, my personal favorite is the White Horse of Uffington. Note to horse lovers, the summer solstice is also known as the Feast of Eopna, who is the great Horse Goddess of the ancient Guals and is thus connected to Celtic tradition. Here are some photos from Loxley Abby of one such feast. On Macknac Island in Michigan this is also a time when the animals are blessed. The Gift Horse Gallery has a nice write up on Epona and a Pagan blogger named Anita offers a mantra for this day.

Speaking of animals, check out Take Your Dog To Work Day.

"Heel, girl. Mamma's gonna get the leash...."

Sia

Art: Epona by Joanna Barnum

Endnotes: Some Solstice Myths and Facts:


The StarDate site tells us that:

There are two solstices each year. The winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, occurs when the sun appears farthest south in the sky. The summer solstice, the longest day of the year, occurs when the sun appears farthest in the north. Egyptians were especially interested in the summer solstice because it marked the beginning of the Nile's flood season. Accurately predicting the floods was of such vital importance that the appearance of Sirius, which occurs around the time of the summer solstice, was recognized as the beginning of the Egyptian new year.

Water is Life:

Nabta: Circle in the Sand (also from StarDate)

To the people of ancient Nabta, in the desert of southern Egypt, the summer solstice meant life. Soon after the Sun reached the northernmost point in its annual trek across the sky, monsoons brought precious rainfall. Not much rain, mind you — no more than four to eight inches a year, about the equivalent of the annual rainfall in Las Vegas or Phoenix. But for a few weeks, water filled shallow desert basins. Grass grew along the banks, providing fodder for cattle, and wells filled with enough water to sustain small nomadic tribes for the entire year. To help them predict and commemorate this life-giving event, the people at Nabta built an observatory — a 12-foot (4-meter) circle of flat stones, with four pairs of taller stones aligned opposite each other. Two pair provided a "window" on the solstice sunrise, while the other two aligned on an almost-perfect north-south axis

Illustration: From the StarDate site.

Ancient Alignments: Scientific American published a fasinating article some years ago on the research being done at Nabta, an site which contains the world's oldest astronomical observatory:

When the stones were erected, the area received enough rain in the summer monsoon for temporary lakes, called playa, to form. The site, built on the shore of one such lake. Radiocarbon dating indicates that Neolithic herders began coming to Nabta about 10,000 years ago. It was used periodically by nomads until about 4,800 years ago, when the monsoon moved southwest and the area again became arid.

At the height of its human occupation--about 6,000 years ago--Nabta supported well-established communities. One village consisted of 18 houses served by deep wells. Beneath the surface slabs of the largest megalithic structure was a sculptured rock resembling a standing cow. The team also excavated several cattle burials at Nabta, including an articulated skeleton buried in a roofed, clay-lined chamber. The late Neolithic occupants apparently used cattle in their rituals just as the African Massai do today, says Malville.

The Goddess Hathor is closely linked to the solstice. You might enjoy Solstice at Abu Simbel by Graham Raith at Two Camels. His post contains a very good description of a temple dedicated to the Goddess Hathor (note the cattle link again) & Ra:

At the solstices, twice a year, the dawn sunlight is aligned to light the entire length of the temple, lighting up three of the four statues, but never touching that of Ptah, the god of darkness.

If this "miracle of the sun" is the first miracle of Abu Simbel, the saving of the temples is the second. The building of the High Dam at Aswan meant that the original site would be flooded, and the temples lost under the waters of Lake Nasser. An international rescue effort was mounted, and the temples cut onto blocks and removed to their present, higher location, set into a concrete supporting bowl, and retaining the original precise orientation to preserve the "miracle of the sun".

Kiva and Microlending: Helping To Lift Others Out of Poverty

Librarian Bard, activist, and friend Rowan Fairgrove has written a post about her experiences with micro lending, offering small loans to poor people, most often women, in developing countries so that they can lift themselves out of poverty. Rowan is involved with an organization called Kiva, who's motto is Loans that change lives. I quote her post about her work with Kiva here in full and with her permission in honor of Pagan Values Month.

As you who follow my Live Journal know, I made my first Kiva loan in April 2007. My husband, Russell, and I have supported the Grameen Bank for some time, so micro lending was a familiar idea. I heard about Kiva on NPR and the idea was very exciting to me. The ability to personally choose who to lend to - whether a baker in Afghanistan, a goat herder in Uganda, a farmer in Peru, a restaurateur in Cambodia, or a tailor in Iraq appealed to me. Just a small amount of money can put someone on the road to self-sufficiency. And as they repay their loan, you get your money back and get to lend again!

My first Kiva loan was to Tamara Orucova, a beekeeper in Azerbaijan. The plight of bees was much in the news at that time and I thought supporting a beekeeper sounded perfect. She repaid the loan in 12 months as pledged and I made two more loans with the money she paid back. Those were both group loans, one to a group of women poultry farmers in Uganda and the other to a group of women in Pakistan with various businesses. I also started a new loan to Senija Selimovic in Bosnia so she could buy a new cow, her third, to sell more milk.

A new kind of philanthropic giving
— particularly among the young and web-savvy —
is facilitated by a nonprofit organization called Kiva.
Donors are encouraged to give microloans
to entrepreneurs in the developing world.
All Things Considered - National Public Radio

Over the past two years I have lent over $1,000 and funded twenty-six loans. One of the things I love about the Kiva website is reading through the requests. I get a glimpse into the lives of people, especially other women, that I can help to lift themselves out of poverty. The challenges that people can overcome with a little help from Kiva lenders is very inspiring.

One woman makes her living buying salt in bulk and packaging it for sale by small groceries. She wanted a loan so that she could make a larger bulk purchase and so get a better profit. What could be more basic?

Another that I particularly remember was someone who made food that she sold at the crossroads to workers passing buy. The recipe had brains and other organ meats in it and sounded quite awful but the loan application said it was much sought after and she needed money to make more. That one was funded so fast that my donation wasn't accepted.

Being a Kiva lender has enriched my life and made me feel that I could make a difference to individual lives around the world. It is a blessing and a delight and I hope that you will join me in becoming a Kiva lender.

Info about the loans I've made can be found at my lender page - http://www.kiva.org/lender/rowan4140

Thanks for listening!

Rowan Fairgrove

Note: There is a "Wicca (neo)Pagan, Witches and fellows" lending team at Kiva. You can find it here.

Thank you, Rowan, for all you do for the Pagan community and for others around the world.

Sia

Editors Note: Kiva is now making loans within the U.S.

Links:

Rowan's Kiva page

About micro-finance

Rowan's LJ

Rowan is very active with a Pagan organization call The Covenant of the Goddess
and she often gives classes and workshops at PantheaCon.

For photography, Warcraft and Second Life fans, here is Rowan's flickr page.

Photos:
Screen shot, Rowan's Kiva page
Rowan at Beltane taken by Russell

Fighting Fair

In honor of Pagan Values Month, I'm going to re-post an article I wrote in 2007 titled Fighting Fair. I have also added in additional material from a excellent website on Pagan Bullying. I hope you find this useful. SV

*****

Most of us would prefer never to fight with our friends and loved ones and many of us will go to great lengths to avoid any kind of conflict. But conflict is inevitable, and anger, if used correctly, is a gift.

I don't care how spiritual you are, you are going to have some anger. It's a human thing. Disagreements are bound to occur between people (no matter how well meaning or well matched) who interact for X amount of time. Whether we live with them, work with them, raise our kids with them, or share time with them in Circle, we are eventually going to be in conflict with the other people in our lives over something. The problem isn't that we fight. The problem is that we do it so badly. The problem is that we don't fight fair. And for most of us, fighting fair is not something we learned at home.

The Little Things

People who share the same religious, political and ethical values will still fight, they'll just fight over how each squeezes the toothpaste tube or who's turn it is to clean the cat box. These fights may seem trivial to outsiders, but they can be the thing that turns loving people into The Bickersons; folks who constantly snipe at one another over the same things over and over again because they never resolve the core issues.

Identifying Core Issues

Anger, can be helpful. It is usually our best clue that some part of our self is in danger or that our boundaries are being pushed in ways we aren't comfortable with. It can also alert us to unrealistic expectations in the relationship (ours and other people's), as well as control issues or codependency. Refusing to acknowledge our anger does not make the problem go away. In fact, it can make things worse.

Anger is Energy

It might help us to think of anger in the same way as we think of the four elements. Anger is like earth, fire, water or air in that it is real and very powerful. Anger has it's own laws and properties and it has to be understood in order for us to use it's inherent energy most effectively. If being a Pagan means that we try to live our lives as fully as we can then dealing with anger and learning to fight fair can be seen as an important part of our spiritual path.

The Ground Rules:

Some important Ground Rules for fighting fair are listed at the end of this post, along with some useful links. Most of us were not taught how to do this, so do your homework, and don't expect do this perfectly the first time, or even the fifth.

Practice Helps

If you are worried that you might become too upset when you decide to tell someone that you are angry with them, try practicing with a friend first. This is called roleplaying, and it can be very effective.

The Dangers of Unspoken Anger

We all have anger. If we can't express that anger in healthy ways tend to build up resentments over time. When people build up too many unspoken resentments, they may eventually come to a point where talking about the problem can no longer heal it.

Avoiding conflict may seem easier in the long run, but people often find that they come away from broken relationships with regrets that can haunt them for years afterward. Some people learn nothing from past relationships and they tend to make the same emotional mistakes over and over again. Not learning from our mistakes and repeating them constantly can be it's own kind of hell. In fact, it's the only kind of hell that I, as a Pagan, believe in.

Unspoken anger can also lead us to drink too much, eat unhealthy food, work to excess, worry ourselves sick or spend too much money. All these unhealthy behaviors are a way of masking and avoiding our problems and they only make the situation worse. The anger we feel towards ourselves or the resentments we feel towards others but don't express can often turn inward and develop into depression. Depression can keep us locked in place and keep us from making the changes we need to make in our lives. Therefore, learning how to express our anger and using it to fight fair can be very liberating, as well as deeply healing.

That Perfect Couple, Isn't

Ironically, partners who never fight are at most risk for eventual separation.

The author's of Good and Mad put it this way:

It's important to remember that conflict in a relationship actually demonstrates that partners care and that they trust each other enough to face those conflicts. Successful conflict builds trust that leads to true intimacy and love.

When I teach workshops on Women and anger, I make a point of saying that "if I care about our relationship, I am willing to be in conflict with you. If I don't, I'll walk away." Never saying "I'm angry" isn't love, it's denial.

What If It's Not Safe to Express Our Anger?

We can't always tell someone, like a boss, say, that we are angry with them. In that case, we might want to tell someone else just what is bothering us. Or we might want to journal about this or do a ritual that helps us to speak and then release this anger.

Dealing with bosses is tricky. You might want to pick up some books about setting appropriate boundaries in the workplace, and dealing with difficult people. (One such is listed below).

We have a saying in Spiral Steps about anger, " If you don't pass it back, you pass it on. "

So do whatever you need to do to release your anger so it doesn't make you sick, and also, so that you don't pass it on to people who don't deserve it.

A Different Mirror

Anger can also help us understand some of our own issues and character defects more fully. Have you ever noticed how people who have our very same character flaws enrage us? It's like looking into a mirror and it can make us very uncomfortable. Seen in this way, anger can be viewed as a difficult gift, as well as a source of great personal insight.

Anger Junkies (AKA Rageaholics)

Some people will seek out conflict with others as a way to release pent up energy around issues they can't or won't acknowledge, issues that have nothing to do with the "reason" for the fight in question but which serve as a outlet for their aggression, and may even bring them closer to unconscious or hidden goals.

Partners and groups do this a lot. So do countries.

Are you or is someone you know a rageaholic? If so, here is some information on the mind of the rageaholic.

Pagan Bullies:

There are always going to be bullies in the world. This excellent site titled Pagan Bullies offers a great deal of useful advice on how to spot a bully in your circle or group and how to deal with bullies, bullying and denial on the part of others about such dysfunctional behavior. (1)

Do You Want To Know a Secret?

It's this: The universe will set things up so that you can practice fighting fair on people who don't matter all that much to you in the greater scheme of things. If we learn how to express our anger towards these people in ways that are respectful, effective and healthy, then we have a much easier time of it when we have to set a boundary with a loved one, a friend, or the boss. I give you fair warning: If we skip these initial lessons because we are too afraid even to try, then we will find that the lessons we are sent as we travel further down the road much, much harder to deal with. Therefore, I have found it helps to take a moment and let that rude salesperson know how I feel (calmly, firmly and politely). Then I silently bless them for giving me the opportunity to practice fighting fair. (Of course, I also take the time to compliment people when they do a good job. That kind of thing has to go both ways to be truly fair.)

They're Driving Me Crazy

We sometimes wonder how our partner, lover, boss or best friend, ever got to be so %$@! difficult. (And for the record, they are wondering the same thing about us.) For those who have these questions I would recommend a book titled “John Bradshaw on The Family. Bradshaw focuses on the dynamics of the family and he explains how the dysfunctional rules and attitudes we learned while growing up can continue to haunt us into adulthood if they are not addressed. He offers practical solutions to help people move from unconscious, dysfunctional behavior to happier, more conscious ways of being. This book has been out for some time, but it has just been updated and re-released. It is a “must read” for anyone attempting to move beyond the lessons they learned growing up in a dysfunctional family or for that matter, in a dysfunctional culture. It comes in both cassette and book form.

It's A Learned Skill, And It Takes Practice To Do It Well

Like any other skill, learning how to fight fair and learning how to express your anger in healthy ways gets better with practice. So hang in there. You'll be glad you did, and so will your loved ones.

Sia

Some Important Ground Rules:

This site lists some excellent ground rules for fighting fair. To my mind, the most important of these is "Use I Messages". Here is an excerpt from that webpage (and I strongly recommend reading the whole thing.)

Remain calm. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By remaining calm it will be more likely that others will consider your viewpoint.

Express feelings in words, not actions. Telling someone directly and honestly how you feel can be a very powerful form of communication. If you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel you may lose control, take a "time out" and do something to help yourself feel steadier - take a walk, do some deep breathing, pet the cat, play with the dog, do the dishes - whatever works for you.

Be specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are hard to work on.

Deal with only one issue at a time. Don't introduce other topics until each is fully discussed. This avoids the "kitchen sink" effect where people throw in all their complaints while not allowing anything to be resolved.

No "hitting below the belt." Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability.

Avoid accusations. Accusations will cause others to defend themselves. Instead, talk about how someone's actions made you feel.

Don't generalize. Avoid words like "never" or "always." Such generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions.

Avoid "make believe." Exaggerating or inventing a complaint - or your feelings about it - will prevent the real issues from surfacing. Stick with the facts and your honest feelings.

Don't stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is counterproductive. It's almost impossible to deal with numerous old problems for which interpretations may differ. Try to deal with problems as they arise.

Avoid clamming up. When one person becomes silent and stops responding to the other, frustration and anger can result. Positive results can only be attained with two-way communication.

Establish common ground rules. You may even want to ask your partner-in-conflict to read and discuss this brochure with you. When parties accept positive common ground rules for managing a conflict, resolution becomes much more likely.

Spiral Steps Support Groups: An On-line meeting where all are welcome

There is a safe place where you can go to work on these issues. It is the on-line Spiral Steps Support Group. This is an anonymous, non-cross talk meeting based on earthwise ethics. This is a non-denominational group, all are welcome; and while it is not Pagan-only, it is very Pagan-friendly and a good many of it's members identify as some flavor of Pagan.

The on-line group has been active since May of 2005. It has an international membership of over 300 people. For more information about the Spiral Steps and Traditions I recommend reading Making A Sea Change: The Spiral Steps Support Groups and visiting the website at www.spiralsteps.org.

Go well, stay well,

Sia

Links:

Tips for Fighting Fair in Relationships

and here are some tips for fighting fair on-line

The Art of Fighting Fair

10 Common Myths About Anger

Off the Shelf:

Fighting Fair by John Bradshaw

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, et al

Thank You for Being Such a Pain: Spiritual Guidance for Dealing with Difficult People by Mark I Rosen

The Price of Nice by John Bradshaw (audiocassette)

Bradshaw On: The Family by John Bradshaw
This next title will be of great help to anyone leading a Circle, Coven or Group.

Antagonists in the Church: How to Identify and Deal With Destructive Conflict
by Kenneth C. Haugk.

This book is a "must read' for any Pagan Organizer or Circle Leader. While the focus is Christian, the information this book contains is useful to anyone who provides spiritual guidance, training or leadership in our community. I first heard about this book from Isaac Bonwitz and I have found it very useful in my own work.

Good and Mad: Transform Anger Using Mind, Body, Soul and Humor by Jane Middleton-Moz

People Patterns: A Modern Guide to the Four Temperaments by Stephen Montgomery

Do you have conflict with a partner? Ignore the title. I would recommend this book to anyone in a committed relationship.

Now That I'm Married, Why Isn't Everything Perfect?: The 8 Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive by Susan Page.

To keep things in perspective:

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series) by Richard Carlson and Kristin Carlson.


Endnotes:

(1) The author writes:

Most people, when asked why Paganism appeals to them as a spiritual path would cite as part of the reason the tolerance, compassion and acceptance that they found from others in the community. Generally speaking, this would be a fair statement - most Pagans are like this. Unfortunately, as in all religions, there are some who are not as interested in the spiritual aspects as they are in gaining and keeping power over others.

Unfortunately some Pagan communities are infested with bullies who are intent on creating rifts between people so that they gain control of the communities they deal with. The most common way these people achieve this is through the spreading of rumours and lies in an effort to drive targeted people out of the community and make those remaining afraid of sharing the same fate if they take a stand against the bully.

Persons who act this way are a great danger to our communities, and not just to individual people. They help to confirm the negative image that mainstream society already has about Paganism, and this is not beneficial in our struggle for religious equality. We need to put our differences aside, stop trying to make ourselves feel superior by bad-mouthing others, and grow up already!

While an incredibly diverse crowd, individual Pagans often have a few things in common: 1) we are usually well educated (or at least well-read) and more aware of history, environmental issues, current events and politics than the average population; 2) most of us are tolerant of differences between people, and able to live and let live; 3) many of us have been emotionally wounded at some point in our lives; and 4) we have almost always left mainstream religions, whether of our own volition or because we felt rejected by them. This wounding and/or religious rejection leaves some of us vulnerable, or at least sensitive to the opinions of others.

Unfortunately it can also make for a predator's paradise because they can choose from plenty of people and be fairly confident that no one in the Community will come to their target's aid. It thus becomes easy for bullies to gain control of the situation and the community, able to drive out those who take a stand against them and manipulate whoever is left over. Gradually those left drift away and join other communities or become solitary. This is how Pagan communities fall apart...

Carol P. Christ on Pagan Values

Today, I would like to offer a quote from Carol P. Christ on Pagan values:

Nurture life. Walk in love and beauty. Trust the knowledge that comes through the body. Speak the truth about conflict, pain, and suffering. Take only what you need. Think about the consequences of your actions for seven generations. Approach the taking of life with great restraint. Practice great generosity. Repair the web

Pagan Values Month:

MetaPagan is following some of the posts on this topic. Their list seems to be limited only to those essays with the words "Pagan values" in the title and they are not searching Live Journal where some interesting posts are found but it's a place to start. Another place to look would be Alltop - Pagan news.

Go well, stay well,

Sia

Posted in honor of Pagan Values Month

Related Articles:

Ethics, Ecology and Gold

Recovering From Our Culture: Why Words Matter

Someone You Should Know: Carol P. Christ

Tit for Tat OR What Would Sekmet Do?

Art: Hera by Susan Seddon Boulet

If I could change the world....

Today I would like to share a charming animated video to brighten your day. Papiroflexia (Spanish for "Origami") is the animated tale of Fred, a skillful paper folder who could shape the world with his hands.

Oh, if only...

To see a higher-resolution version go to http://www.pixelnitrate. Goth fans should check out Sebastian's Vodoo.

Enjoy,

Sia

Posted in Honor of Pagan Values Month

The Lady and the Rose

Among the things I value most are music and gardens. I find these two joys beautifully combined in my favorite rose, a floribunda (isn't that a wonderful word?) named after one of the greatest cellists of all time, Jacqueline du Pre. The Garden Hopping blog has a charming post about the lady and the rose named for her. It includes a Youtube video of her playing. Go to that site and listen. Tune out everything else for one brief moment and listen. There was, and is, nothing else like her.

As for me, I'm off to plant this exquisite, sexy and deeply scented rose, which will make me and my bees very happy.

Climbing Roses and Moon Gardens

This year I will also plant an Iceberg rose which will climb my fence. It, too, will offer color and scent for me and pollen for the bees. I used to have one on a tall round pole back at our old place. It was my very own May Pole, and it bloomed for me beautifully beginning in May and going all through summer. For Solstice, I will plant more roses and flowers in my moon garden. Most of my garden now is designed to support our wildlife. We've spent hours removing invasive, non-native species like scotch broom, and I will now put in native plants to give food and shelter for the birds and wildlife who share this beautiful space with us.

Enjoy the video. The lady was something very special, as is her rose.

Sia


Related Articles:

Gardens to Come

Beauty and Meaning: Gardening Like a Green Witch

Plants for a Moon Garden

Photo found at Garden Hoping website.

Header w/ poem found at Jacqueline du Pre.net

Posted in Honor of Pagan Values Month