Some of our classic Problem Children are back in town and they are making the rounds again.
The baggage they bring with them includes a long history of drug abuse, malicious lying, claiming authority and powers they did not earn and do not have, physical abuse towads them by one of their chosen partners which occured in front of children & association with known drug dealers. What is most troubling is the shooting death of one of their members by the police, something which also occured in front of other familes not involved. This has capped a host of troubles and few people (except the clueless or the radically codependent) want to be anywhere near them now. No one wants the cops busting in on their rituals and who can blame them? I'm told that one of their last covens broke up in order simply to be rid of them. Since they've been back, I've gotten phone calls from annoyed or anxious people who are making it very clear that they will not attend any circle, function, event or party where these people are present.
Currently, these folks claim to "have gotten their act together" but they have said that before and no one who knows them believes it. One of them is going back on the message boards and announcing that they are a qualified and experienced leader, which is laughable to those people in his former group who did all the real work. This would be just the usual Pagan B.S., except for one important thing: What do we tell any newcomers?
If these two were simply Posers, we could let it alone and simply not refer them when newcomers ask for teachers or groups, but their behavior is criminal and their choice of "friends" would now put others at risk. Several people in the Pagan recovery community have reached out to them with offers of help, which have been rejected. Old friends who took them aside and told them the truth are now vilified by them behind their backs. Clearly, not much has changed for these folks.
I've talked to several of the old timers about this and the attitudes range from
* We all had to suffer through and weed out the crazies, let the newbees beware
* I don't care as long as they spend their money here.
* I don't want to get involved.
and my favorite:
* The community is too judgmental! If others want to shun them, then I will invite them to our Yule.
(That last one just floored me.) This person (who I quite like, by the way) suggested that we were shunning these folks in the same way that the Catholic church shuns gays. I think our gay friends would take offense at being compared to coke heads and drug dealers. This person and I will simply have to agree to disagree.
Today is the day for our Holiday Craft Faire. If I see two of the newbees in question, I will have to decide what to say to them. If these Problem Children come, the Hosts and I have agreed that they will be asked to leave. I doubt they will come, though. Too many of the people working this thing know them too well, so they won't be able to swan around looking mystical, which tends to put a real crimp in their style.
Ah, well. It's a pretty day and it will be great see old friends and raise money for a good cause. Tonight we'll finish and post the December newsletter.
Sia
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
13 Weeks at Spiral Steps
The Yahoo Support Group for Spiral Steps has decided to spend the next 13 weeks working on the Steps, beginning at Step One.
They are not actually working the steps on-line (as this is neither functional, nor wise) but they are talking about what each step means to them and how each member understands and works the steps in their own lives - should prove enlightening.
At present, there are over 120 members in this support group, all from a wide variety of traditions and faiths. The only requrement for membership is a respect for Earthwise ethics and a desire for health and healing.
The previous two weeks have been a bit rough on the Moderators. Two members had some serious issues come up (I can't go into detail) and some people then violated the "no cross talk" rule and tried to "help them" (read "fix them") by posting advice to the them directly at board. The Moderators enforced the boundries, and some people left in a huff because of it.
It can be difficult to teach our people about these boundary's especially as this is not the way things are usually done in internet groups (and thus why so many groups are unsafe or abusive). We enforce these rules because:
1. No cross talk means no cross talk at all, even when a situation is serious. Especially then, because life and death issues can bring up strong feelings and memories, and send some members spiraling into codependency.
2. If they want to post their advice to another member they can do it via private email (and we tell them they should ask if the member actually wants this advice, first!). Otherwise this group is not a safe place to share.
3. Regardless of what some might think, they are not actually "helping" someone when they post advice and try to tell people what they "should" do. That's not helping, that's typing. If they really wanted to help someone in trouble, they must be willing to do things like pay their rent or drive three states over, pick them up and take them into their home; actually do something. They are not willing to do that, of course, nor should they be. The members are each there to work on their own issues. By sharing their own experience, strength and hope they can, in turn, empower others but this teaching can only be done by example. That's actually much harder because this asks that members be vulerable and honest about their issues. We have Pagan cops and social workers, ministers and counselors in this group, and they all know that. It's usually the civilians (or a codependent Priest or Priestess) who can't focus on fixing themselves and not others and who then have a problem with the "No cross talk" rule. The best way to explain it to folks is to use the old saying that "If you catch a fish for someone, you feed her for a day but if you show her how to fish, you feed her for a lifetime".
So, this week, those who moderate this group have had to be the Dragons in the Doorway and uphold the rules. People are asked to read the FAQ when they join, and invited to write to us or call with any questions or concerns. After that, they get one warning. After that, they are asked to leave. Upholding standards is never easy. If more Pagan groups did that we might be closer to creating real community.
Sia
They are not actually working the steps on-line (as this is neither functional, nor wise) but they are talking about what each step means to them and how each member understands and works the steps in their own lives - should prove enlightening.
At present, there are over 120 members in this support group, all from a wide variety of traditions and faiths. The only requrement for membership is a respect for Earthwise ethics and a desire for health and healing.
The previous two weeks have been a bit rough on the Moderators. Two members had some serious issues come up (I can't go into detail) and some people then violated the "no cross talk" rule and tried to "help them" (read "fix them") by posting advice to the them directly at board. The Moderators enforced the boundries, and some people left in a huff because of it.
It can be difficult to teach our people about these boundary's especially as this is not the way things are usually done in internet groups (and thus why so many groups are unsafe or abusive). We enforce these rules because:
1. No cross talk means no cross talk at all, even when a situation is serious. Especially then, because life and death issues can bring up strong feelings and memories, and send some members spiraling into codependency.
2. If they want to post their advice to another member they can do it via private email (and we tell them they should ask if the member actually wants this advice, first!). Otherwise this group is not a safe place to share.
3. Regardless of what some might think, they are not actually "helping" someone when they post advice and try to tell people what they "should" do. That's not helping, that's typing. If they really wanted to help someone in trouble, they must be willing to do things like pay their rent or drive three states over, pick them up and take them into their home; actually do something. They are not willing to do that, of course, nor should they be. The members are each there to work on their own issues. By sharing their own experience, strength and hope they can, in turn, empower others but this teaching can only be done by example. That's actually much harder because this asks that members be vulerable and honest about their issues. We have Pagan cops and social workers, ministers and counselors in this group, and they all know that. It's usually the civilians (or a codependent Priest or Priestess) who can't focus on fixing themselves and not others and who then have a problem with the "No cross talk" rule. The best way to explain it to folks is to use the old saying that "If you catch a fish for someone, you feed her for a day but if you show her how to fish, you feed her for a lifetime".
So, this week, those who moderate this group have had to be the Dragons in the Doorway and uphold the rules. People are asked to read the FAQ when they join, and invited to write to us or call with any questions or concerns. After that, they get one warning. After that, they are asked to leave. Upholding standards is never easy. If more Pagan groups did that we might be closer to creating real community.
Sia
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Miss Sally
Miss Sally:
In the October edition of the Full Circle Newsletter we published a note from a Pagan friend of mine about a rescued dog named Miss Sally, a lovable Dalmation who was starving on the streets in Riverside, along with a notice about some rescued kittens, as all of these needed a home. As Bast would have it, just two days later my mother mentioned that she was was now feeling ready for another dog, and that she had always wanted a Dalmation. (?!) "Funny you should say that", I replied, "I happen to know where we can get one....."
I spent a month working with Miss Sally and found that she is sweet tempered and very good on a leash. She must have been someone's baby once, because she's been well trained, she is good with our cats. She also likes to ride in the car and is very, very loving. I gave these reports to Mom on the phone and and she decided that Sally was to come with us when we went to visit Mom at the end of the month.
I wrote this to a friend when we got back:
We took Sally, that rescued Dalmatian, on a road trip to my Mom in Medford, OR. They liked each other at first sight.
We were going up there anyway for the one year anniversary of my Dad's passing. The three of us went to his gravesite on a lovely day, and everyone left feeling sad, but whole. When our visit was done we left town we felt better because we weren't leaving Mom behind alone. She now has Miss Sally who will give her lots of reasons to get out more for walks and meet people at the dog park. They will give each other lots of love and protections and this is always a good thing.
We will see Mom again at Thanksgiving, but so far reports from there are good. Sally has already convinced Mom that she should be allowed to sit on her own chair and she respects the three cats, who have place of precedence. .
Small World:
A further bit of Pagan serendipity: I know a Pagan gal named Farrell. We know each other from the dog park and she was a long time volunteer at the Witches' Ball. Her daughter Rachael was helping to babysit Sally which is how I first heard about this dog. Sally liked playing in Rachael's backyard with her white lab Mickey and a little pomerian named....wait for it....Agador Sparticus. Agador's daddy (and Rachael's housemate is a nice guy named James. James's partner is Justin. It was Justin's sister who rescued Sally off the streets, and it was Justin who was down in L.A. (on a sudden, inspired visit) who took Sally off her hands and brought her up to the Bay Area. But Justin lives in apartment and works long hours, so during the day he left Sally at his partner's house with my friend's daughter's dog....you get the picture. Add to that the delightful fact that Justin is Pagan and my friends didn't know that. Justin had recently moved her from Southern California and he was keeping quiet until he could find the "sane ones". Smart man. He had seen my greenman necklace when we played with Sally and figured I was safe to ask. So, I was able to say "Yep. I'm Pagan and so is Rachael's Mom". No doubt the Goddess was had a good laugh. I've introduced Justin to our Networking Coordinator and he now has the contacts he needs.
Funny how he just got it into his head to visit his sister that weekend.....
Sia
In the October edition of the Full Circle Newsletter we published a note from a Pagan friend of mine about a rescued dog named Miss Sally, a lovable Dalmation who was starving on the streets in Riverside, along with a notice about some rescued kittens, as all of these needed a home. As Bast would have it, just two days later my mother mentioned that she was was now feeling ready for another dog, and that she had always wanted a Dalmation. (?!) "Funny you should say that", I replied, "I happen to know where we can get one....."
I spent a month working with Miss Sally and found that she is sweet tempered and very good on a leash. She must have been someone's baby once, because she's been well trained, she is good with our cats. She also likes to ride in the car and is very, very loving. I gave these reports to Mom on the phone and and she decided that Sally was to come with us when we went to visit Mom at the end of the month.
I wrote this to a friend when we got back:
We took Sally, that rescued Dalmatian, on a road trip to my Mom in Medford, OR. They liked each other at first sight.
We were going up there anyway for the one year anniversary of my Dad's passing. The three of us went to his gravesite on a lovely day, and everyone left feeling sad, but whole. When our visit was done we left town we felt better because we weren't leaving Mom behind alone. She now has Miss Sally who will give her lots of reasons to get out more for walks and meet people at the dog park. They will give each other lots of love and protections and this is always a good thing.
We will see Mom again at Thanksgiving, but so far reports from there are good. Sally has already convinced Mom that she should be allowed to sit on her own chair and she respects the three cats, who have place of precedence. .
Small World:
A further bit of Pagan serendipity: I know a Pagan gal named Farrell. We know each other from the dog park and she was a long time volunteer at the Witches' Ball. Her daughter Rachael was helping to babysit Sally which is how I first heard about this dog. Sally liked playing in Rachael's backyard with her white lab Mickey and a little pomerian named....wait for it....Agador Sparticus. Agador's daddy (and Rachael's housemate is a nice guy named James. James's partner is Justin. It was Justin's sister who rescued Sally off the streets, and it was Justin who was down in L.A. (on a sudden, inspired visit) who took Sally off her hands and brought her up to the Bay Area. But Justin lives in apartment and works long hours, so during the day he left Sally at his partner's house with my friend's daughter's dog....you get the picture. Add to that the delightful fact that Justin is Pagan and my friends didn't know that. Justin had recently moved her from Southern California and he was keeping quiet until he could find the "sane ones". Smart man. He had seen my greenman necklace when we played with Sally and figured I was safe to ask. So, I was able to say "Yep. I'm Pagan and so is Rachael's Mom". No doubt the Goddess was had a good laugh. I've introduced Justin to our Networking Coordinator and he now has the contacts he needs.
Funny how he just got it into his head to visit his sister that weekend.....
Sia
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Look Behind the Counter
The November newsletter is up. It contains Snakemoon's essay on scarcity and abundance, along with announcements about the GG Award, copyright & Pagans, notes on Terry's latest book, the announcement about the Pagan-friendly family law paralegal, and lots more. Very nice intro by Labrys, who just gets better and better at this. Overall, it's a very good issue.
Snake and I decided that this particular essay is very right for this time of year. A lot of people are shopping and they need to think about the people serving them behind the counter and not just the gifts.
Sia
Snake and I decided that this particular essay is very right for this time of year. A lot of people are shopping and they need to think about the people serving them behind the counter and not just the gifts.
Sia
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